The Pitz

Easter had a very special meaning for me this year - probably more than it ever has before.

This year it meant so much to me because I feel like I finally, truly understood how much I need the Atonement. A desperate need. Because I was in the bottom of The Pit.

I've always been a "good girl." Read my scriptures. Went to church. Paid attention in Sunday School and seminary. I really tried hard to develop my testimony and do what was right. But for whatever reason, I always kind of knew I wasn't "converted." I knew I'd be a lifelong member - don't get me wrong - but I didn't feel like I was that bad of a person, didn't feel like I needed the church or repentance or anything like that. I prayed out of habit and never really expected anything in return.

Last Sunday, a week before Easter, I woke up feeling absolutely worthless, with no real cause. I can't really explain it, but I just had this tangible clarity. I saw myself as I really was. Every bad thing I've done. Every stupid thing I've said (and you could fill books longer and more numerous than the works of Tolkien with them). Even worse, all the embarrassing moments and things about me that just make me cringe.

I'm just not a good person. I'm simply not. Even when I'm trying to be, it seems fake and shallow, which is why so many people see through it. I'm so arrogant. Such a know-it-all. I think I'm invulnerable and perfect. I just try so hard to be liked and included. When I'm not, I just point the finger back at them while still striving to win their approval. No wonder they don't like me. Why would they? I'm nothing if not entirely self-serving.

To sum it all up, I felt worthless. Absolutely worthless. And the worst part? These terrible things about me aren't usually conscious choices, but ingrained facets of my personality and unhealthy habits. For the first time ever I saw myself as "The Natural Man." I have never felt so humbled and scared.

One of my favorite parables of the Atonement is the natural man who digs himself a hole with every bad decision, every mistake, always believing that he has the power, in and of himself, to save himself - to get out of that hole. Eventually, he realizes that his hole is now a pit, and he can't stop digging, let alone get out on his own. No ladder is tall enough. No man-made way out. After an impassioned plea, the only one who can save him, The Savior, appears and lifts him from his hopeless state.

That's where I was. Annoying Danica. Prideful, worldly, snarky, hypocritical Danica. At the bottom of that pit, hopeless. My mistakes span decades. I've squandered so many opportunities to be a good teammate, a righteous example, a faithful friend, an encouraging big sister, a helpful daughter and an optimistic social media user. I've been so fake and so really awful. My shortcomings so totally outweigh my righteous intentions.

"How can I fix those years of being the worst? Even if I could fix these awful mistakes, which I don't intentionally make and have no idea how to change, there's no way my family and friends can change their opinions of me now, not after years of me being so obnoxious. Where do I go from here? Burn everything and start over?" I asked to no one in particular, as I wiped away slow tears.

Then it came so soft and strong, not even from a voice or another person, other than perhaps the Holy Ghost drawing it out of me. It was MY voice, MY head, MY spirit that sat up, after much neglect and ambivalence.

"Obviously, Jesus Christ is your only option. THIS is what all your Sunday School teachers and General Conference talks were referencing. THIS is the Atonement. He is the only one that can erase those mistakes, those embarrassing moments and your every shortcoming. But it works. And it will work for you, too."



I've read about the Atonement. In detail. I've had the awesome EFY Atonement devotional experience. I've testified of my personal knowledge of the Atonement. But until that moment I didn't know that I knew. And I especially didn't know that I needed it so desperately.

But I do know. And I'm so grateful. This week has been so much lighter and better, not JUST because of Spring Break and our awesome vacation (post coming soon), but also because I was so humbled and recommitted to watch myself, repent, try harder, and just to be a better person. I was filled with hope, knowing that His sacrifice covers me and if I do what I need to, I can erase all the stupid stuff I've done.

Those of you who know me in real life - I've done a lot of this stupid stuff to you. You know how insufferable I can be. I know an internet apology really isn't anything at all, but I offer it nonetheless. I'm sorry for being such an obnoxious, hypocritical friend to you all. I do know now what a lame person I am and I'm really going to try to fix it.

Thank you so much for being so good to me anyways. I don't deserve such awesome friends and family, but I am certainly grateful every day for you. I know you are racking up the points in heaven just for being so cool to me when I'm the worst.

So here's to a new me - newer than any New Year, new school year, etc. I'm re-reading all of the October 2012 conference talks to prepare for conference this weekend and studying repentance, forgiveness, true conversion and charity like my life depends on it. Because, really, it does.

Thank goodness for my Savior, Jesus Christ, His magnificent Atonement, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my amazing husband who loves me every day and for all of you.

Cake Balling Part 2

I had a fairly nice experiment with Cake Balls for my YW activity a few weeks ago, so I decided to give them another try for Easter. I also took more pictures this time. I learned a ton and I think Cake Balls are going to be a regular for me.

Bake your cake - I used Funfetti for festive reasons.

Crumble into a large bowl, picking out the edges that don't crumble so well. Some blogs said to use a food processor/blender/vegetable grater. Crumbling with my hands worked fine.

Mix in your frosting (and I added sprinkles).

Here's where my learning came in. I used a small cookie dough scoop to make sure I was using equal amounts of cake ball each time. I kept a stream of water going and rinsed my hands every few cake balls, keeping my hands wet while I formed the balls. This way, they don't stick to your hands and they are smooth instead of rough. I tried to make these kind of egg-shaped. LOLZ. Don't worry if they are a little wonky. You can smooth out the bumps when they are frozen before you dunk them. Mine still don't look like eggs even then. It's ok. Really.

Freeze. I only froze these for a few hours. I feel like the ones I froze overnight last time were easier to deal with.

Set up your station. Melt your almond bark with a little shortening, little bits at a time. You can also melt it in a small crock pot left on "warm" if it is deep enough for dipping. I was going to cover my cake balls in crystallized sugars, so I dumped them into small prep bowls. Have your tray covered and ready.

I dipped my "eggs" using a fork, then stuck the fork in a small cup so it could drip back into the almond bark bowl and firm up a bit. Then I shook the sugars over the sticky candy-covered egg balls and back into the cup to harden completely. I found it was much easier to pull off the fork when it had firmed up a little.

Finally, I froze them overnight to harden completely and then put them in an egg carton for Easter dinner. :) Again, a little time consuming, but super yummy and way cute.

Humongous Chocolate Bunny or Bust

Someone finished all her schooling this week.

Someone is excited for this upcoming weekend (reception tonight, shopping with mom and sister tomorrow, coloring Easter eggs with my favorite girls, not doing homework, and of course, eating one of these bad boys.)


Someone can't stop reading fashion blogs to plan outfits days in advance. {Obsessed with The Daybook and What I Wore right now.}

Someone is spending too much time online shopping for Easter dresses and coveting new spring shoes.



Someone will be learning to play Starcraft soon.

Someone joined a coed slowpitch softball team. Yikes.

Someone can't stop smiling.