What I Learned - BYU

I suppose graduation on Friday concludes my BYU career. It's weird. I wanted to go to BYU for forever. It was the only school I applied to. I was so proud and relieved when I got in. My grandpa was a professor there, and all of my Budge cousins went there. It was so prestigious and shiny and wonderful. Oh, the freshman innocence. I still love BYU. I still think it's the best. I bleed blue. But, like any other wonderful thing, there's more than meets the eye.

I spent a lot of time with my butt in an uncomfortable auditorium seat in the SWKT. (Ok. Much less time than I was SUPPOSED to.) I spent even more time in my beloved HBLL. But what I really learned didn't come out of overpriced textbooks or bloated professors.

Roommates suck.

African food smells TERRIBLE. (see above)

You can tell a lot about someone by where they live. Glenwood = carless zoob. Belmont = douche. Alpine Village = stupid, high-maintenance girl. These are generalizations, mind you.

Just because a boy is a Returned Missionary (RM) doesn't mean he is a good guy. This one was probably the most shocking to my naive freshman self. And the most disappointing.

The South End Market, A.K.A. South of the Border, is the closest place to campus to get my Diet Coke contraband.

It is possible to live off Diet Coke. (see above)

My fave study spot is Periodicals. Especially when it's rainy. My most EFFECTIVE study spot is level 1. No windows. No cell service. Only a handful of passersby to distract me. All Asians.

College courses are both easier and harder than I imagined. The actual coursework is not that bad, and the load is doable. What is more difficult is that the distractions grow exponentially. You have complete control of your schedule, laptop and Netflix account. Peril ensues. (see above)

Stay away from English majors. Kick it with the Dance teaching majors. They know what's up.

Sleep is a funny, undefinable thing. It swings from absolutely necessary (9 am on a Monday instead of Doctrine & Covenants) to merely optional (Every time The Beard called me to hang out and we ended up talking until the sun came up. No one tell our future kids that. They'll think it's ok for THEM to do that. And it's not.)

JDawgs is called of God.

Singles wards are nothing more than the Sacrament in a meat market. The girls that wear their PINK sweats and Uggs on campus all week suddenly look like Wet Seal models come Sunday. And that's not a compliment, ladies.

One day, you'll have more friends that didn't go to your high school than did. And it's kind of weird and great. They have no idea that I wore softball sweats my entire senior year and get tricked into thinking I'm qualified to run a fashion blog.

The Cocoa Bean is the greatest thing that's ever happened to Provo.

A Study Abroad can show you who you are and who you're meant to be. You'll never regret it.

Facebook doesn't make you any cooler than you actually are in real life. Common misconception.

College is amazing. There are parts I actually miss, like the spontaneity, the craziness and the potential for meeting tons and tons of incredible and terrible people. Still, I'm so happy I'm married and out of Provo and away from all of that. It's a chapter that served my book of life well, and I'll never regret it.

GO COUGARS! And here I come world.

Surprise Me - A Dating Horror in Provo

Surprise date:

Noun - a date between two parties wherein one of the parties is unaware that said event is a "date," usually believing the event to be a "group" activity.

Verb - to lure an unsuspecting party into a "date" situation by deceptive means.

The surprise date. Bread-and-butter of the over-eager in the dating world. Most of you have probably experienced the surprise date, hopefully not on the "surprising" end. You really can't make it out of Provo dating culture without this rite of passage.

When I was living in Provo, right before I met the Beard, I was hanging out with this group of guys. They all lived together and were mission buddies. We liked the same shows and movies, and they liked to cook, so I liked hanging out there. I've always been most comfortable with a group of all guys. I was good friends with all of them and really enjoyed hanging out there. One of the boys I suppose took a liking to me, and started being more proactive about inviting me to stuff. But it was always "We are all ...." or "Me and the guys...." or "A bunch of us got tickets to...."

Until he stopped delivering on those invitations. After a couple of weird one-on-ones, he asked me to go to his mission reunion with him AND THE GUYS. At first, I thought nothing of it. I was good friends with these dudes, and I'd heard their stories about other mission people for months now. Then he asked if he could introduce me as HIS GIRLFRIEND. Um, exclamation point?

From that point on, I was careful. Or so I thought. He would invite me to come watch a movie, and I'd make sure they were all going to be there. But I'd show up and then, as though by previous command, all the guys except the Surprise Dater would leave the room and we'd end up watching a movie alone.

From that point on, I was cynical. I only hung out one more time - a dinner at a sushi restaurant for one of the guy's birthdays. It was guaranteed that this was a group thing, and I confirmed with several other guys before showing up. Surprise Dater had conveniently reserved the seat next to him for me and then, at the end of the meal, proceeded to embarrass himself completely by DEMANDING that he pay for my dinner as well. Everyone else was on separate checks. I assured the waitress I would pay for my own. He literally stood, handed his card to her and stated in the most terrifying tone

"IT. WOULD. BE. MY. PLEASURE."

Are you serious? Clearly, that was the last time I hung out with the group. It simply wasn't safe anymore. Between the forced Facebook photos, deceptive "movie nights," and any other conceivable attempt to date me, I couldn't risk it anymore.

Surprise dating is a real thing. It is an obstacle in the gauntlet that is the Provo Dating Scene. It is a real ailment and I don't even know how to help you avoid it.

Who else has been Surprise Dated? Share your stories here, on the Facebook link, or email me and I'll share. :)

Sometimes, Always, Never - Wedding Rings

The Beard got a new job and has been spending his lunches in the break room getting to know his coworkers. After work yesterday he relayed to me a conversation he overheard at lunch. One of the girls was recently engaged and the girls were admiring her ring. The conversation proceeded as follows:

Girls (collective) - "OMG! sOOOOOooOOsooo pRetTY!!!!"

Engaged Girl - "I told him I didn't want anything too flashy! I figure that in the future, like for an anniversary or something I can get something new and big and fancy or whatever, but for now I really like this simple setting."

Translation: I DO want something big and flashy, but I recognize that I live in Provo, Utah and we're in college and its completely unrealistic. I respect that, and I'm trying to not be vain and convince myself and others that it's fine. But it really is.

Passive Aggressive Friend #1 - "Yeah. I'm really glad you're cool with that. It's really pretty."

Translation: I'm trying to make you feel like you are settling because I'm jealous that you are engaged and I don't want to let go of my dream of a huge glitzy ring.

I don't need to explain to you what the marriage culture of Utah County is like. So you know this kind of thing is regular. Here is my Sometimes, Always, Never for being classy about rings:

SOMETIMES

"Where did he get it?" - Only acceptable if you are close friends, or if you are currently looking at rings yourself. Sometimes the place may indicate price, which is tacky. Also, she doesn't want you getting the exact same ring.

"Did you guys design it?" - Ok if it is a really unique looking ring, or she mentions anything about customization. If it's not custom designed, some girls may feel that you're indicating it is inferior. HE DIDN'T LOVE ME ENOUGH TO DESIGN SOMETHING AS UNIQUE AS I AM!!!!

ALWAYS

"Gorgeous! So sparkly! It looks like a unicorn tear dipped in glitter!" - Compliment it like crazy. Always nice and classy.

"It's so YOU!" - If you can personalize the compliment to her, it's a great way to make her feel special.

"He did such a great job! You're so lucky!" - giving the fiance credit is always super classy.

NEVER

"How much was it? How many carats? Is it real?" - Duh.

"Is that the REAL ring or just like the placeholder?" - Ouch.

"Oh my gosh! I tried that ring on!" or "My cousin has that ring!" - She wants to feel like its the one and only.

"Is this the same one he gave his last fiance or a new one?" "I'm really glad he gave the family ring to you and not his slutty ex-girlfriend." - Now you're just ruining everything.

"I saw that on the WILK board!" - If he really got it from the WILK board, the last of her worries should be a passive aggressive friend.

Thumper taught you that "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," right? Well the new motto?

"Always say something nice."

Marriage, or the Death of Dessert Parties

Marriage is awesome. Everyone knows that. But sometimes it's painfully obvious HOW awesome it is when you're thrown back into the single world.

Several weeks ago, I had to run up to campus for a meeting with my BYU Education Program peeps. Being on campus kind of made me sick. Not only was I overwhelmed with the general happy anxiety and well-intentioned stress, but the awful singleness. Also, loads of chaste sexual frustration with the opposite sex. When you're single, you don't realize how much stress your life inherently includes. You have to:

1. Look cute so you can attract someone.

2. Be smart to attract someone/keep your scholarship/appease your parents/avoid misusing your student loans.

3. Be active in the Church to attract someone/appease your parents/be a good Mormon.

4. Make a lot of friends to attract someone/be popular.

5. Learn life skills (i.e. Domestic flourish for girls) to attract someone.

6. Attend every single possible event - dessert parties, ward prayer, FHE, BYUSA activities, sporting events - of course to meet and attract someone.

There's just this intense level of optimistic stress that is absolutely exhausting. Always the anxiety of finding someone to study/eat lunch/walk home with. Always the anxiety of making weekend plans or getting another date. Always the anxiety of trying SOOOOO hard to be the cutest, coolest, most righteous (and sometimes fake-st) version of yourself. And there's that sneaky, invisible element of competition. There is no abundance mentality on a college campus.

Being on campus and walking into the library to say hi to my library peeps brought back emotions, just like hearing a song from a sad time in your life making you cry, or a song from the best night ever making you smile. I remember walking into that library annoyed, too much homework, no sleep, hungry and caffeine-deprived, anxious to get off work and meet up with The Beard. I absorbed by osmosis the stress of everyone rushing to get to class, but trying desperately to look approachable. I observed with disgust the excessive PDA of zoob couples.

After my meeting I met up with my friend Jesslyn- our last chance before she went into the MTC (Anaheim, Spanish). She lives in the Mormon Dating Epicenter, commonly referred to as "South-of-Campus." While driving to her apartment, I saw a group of kids gathering for FHE outside a complex. Girls playfully shoving guys, guys constantly readjusting their wayfarer shades and closing digits with various groups of girls. I especially liked seeing girls all dressed up in their cutest outfits (yeah. We can tell when you spent more than 10 minutes on it).

I truly do not mean to insult or offend. This is just the culture. We have all done it. I've done it. (No, I haven't.)

The Beard and I went to the BYU Football game a few weeks ago. I haven't been since I was a freshman and remembered why. It's all BYU Football zealots and freshmen. The ignorant comments and general stupidity was obnoxious. The Beard even yelled at a guy for being disrespectful towards the other team. His date was embarrassed. No awkward doorstep hug for him tonight. But the best part of the game was our newfound love - Photobombing. Freshmen LOVE taking the "myspace pic" (extending your arm up and out to capture the pic, heads together with a funny/sexy/cute face). We love messing it up. With some pretty impressive investigative work (If I do say so myself), I found THIS little beauty on a girl's non-private Facebook page.

You are welcome.

Though I live in Mapleton and don't attend classes on campus anymore, I never feel to far away thanks to my social media. Here are my favorite "Provo" accounts that help me stay close to my roots:

Mormon Girl Probs - Hilarious twitter account that is disturbingly familiar.

Provo All Star - The male counterpart for Mormon Girl Probs. And the source of all Mormon Girl Probs.

NiceTryZoob - Making fun of the "Peter" zoobs we all know and love.

Seriously, So Blessed - Blog mocking young, married Mormon girls. Horrifyingly accurate. Even if it stopped posting in January.

Seen @ BYU - Fantastic Facebook group for those who appreciate the ridiculous things around BYU.

It's fun to hate on BYU culture and the ridiculous dating world. At times it's hilarious, and at times it's incredibly frustrating. But it's all changed for me now.

The overwhelming take-away is that I'm so grateful I found The Beard. I'm so grateful that I no longer have to go out every night of the week, to every FHE (ok, I never went anyway), on every blind date and "Date Box" encounter (THAT is a great story. Maybe I'll share that one soon. You'll LOL for sure).

I don't have to stress that I'm being what someone's looking for. I don't have to kill myself adjusting my hair, makeup and clothes every day (I still do that sometimes. My choice.). I don't have to figure out who someone wants me to be. I don't have to fake it to make it. Dating is over. I have someone who accepts me for who I am, no matter what. Someone who makes me feel more ME than I've ever been. Someone who is completely happy to sit on a couch with me watching Netflix every night of the week. And that's what love is. Boring comfortable familiarity that you can't get enough of.

See ya later, dating. It's been a treat. But not really.