My Butt is on Instagram

Over the past several weeks I've had quite a few former students come to see me and I've been able to find out some interesting information. I have summarized this information as such:

• The 9th grade boys who couldn't wait to get out of the "stupid" middle school and into the real world quickly realized how insignificant a high school boy can be
• The 8th grade kids who complained all last year about how much reading and work I gave them all came back to tell me how easy my class was compared to 9th grade. Last laugh.
• My gifted penis artist from last year is now incarcerated on a variety of offenses, but vandalism wasn't one of them, surprisingly
• One of my girls stayed almost an hour after school telling me about how her and her best friend got in a huge fight about her friend starting to do drugs and now they don't talk.
• One of our punk 9th graders from last year is counting down the days until he can drop out
• A bunch of my boys from last year smoke copious amounts of pot. COPIOUS AMOUNTS. 
• One of my girls from last year who really struggled came down to tell me she's getting an A in Geography this year so far and plans to get an A all year! Awesome!
• One of the boys from last year used to take pictures of me during class, especially when I'd bend over. Allegedly there are photos on Instagram, although I can't confirm that.
• One of my girls told me her parents went through an ugly divorce and now her dad yells at her every night about how much she costs to raise.
• One shy girl, a girl very under-my-radar, at parent teacher conferences said "I brought my mom to meet you because you're my favorite teacher!" Blindsided me in a good and guilty way.

Sometimes I forget with all the extreme perfume/cologne, laziness and cartoon genitalia, that these kids actually do have tough lives. Middle school isn't easy, and neither is figuring out who you are on this crazy planet. Bullying is real. Drugs are dangerous. School is hard. Families can suck.

180 days seems like such a long time. But I already look back at my kids from last year and think "That went by so fast. I had almost no time with you." I'm in this weird position where I love these kids so much, but I only see them for 45 minutes and its 90% academic & behavior. BUT I care so much about their social and emotional well-being and futures. BUT I have no control over it and very little influence on it during the times I see them.

Seeing these old students and recognizing that A. The year flies by. and B. Their lives are so much more than just school, helps give me much needed perspective on what it means to be a teacher and what's really important.

Is the world gonna end if they don't know who Nathaniel Bacon is? No.

But it might if they feel like no one loves or respects them. If they feel like no one believes in them and wants them to succeed.

It's important to me that these kids feel love and respect every day. It's important that they know they can succeed. And it's important that they know finishing high school without doing drugs is walking through a door that will lead to happiness. 

It's also important to me that no more students snap pics of my backside, so I'm increasingly vigilant this year. Snapchatters beware. 

Bribing Teachers Works and Other Confessions

Sorry for another teacher-y post in a row. I'm very pensive and introspective about teaching right now (they call this our "reflection" period after we get out of our "burnout" period which is from about January-March).

I'm including an outfit pic at least (blurry and crappy - taken by my ipad and an app that takes pictures when you clap! haha I'm pathetic) to at least make it slightly less boring to those of you who don't care about junior high stuff. I don't blame you.

I've worn 3 maxis this week. Yikes. They are pretty much sweats so it means I've given up until this cold leaves me alone.

 

Only a free Diet Coke can give me that goofy grin

 

Today, a kid came in with our latest map - Asia - and asked if I could put it in our online gradebook before lunch even though it was due last week and was really late. See, he had a REALLY IMPORTANT soccer game after school and his grades weren't good enough to play.

Once again, awesome teaching moment where consequences can and should be used. Praise be to this soccer coach for holding his players accountable. I could kiss him on the cheek.

So I tell this kid that I'll TRYYYYYY but that he shouldn't leave things to the last minute and should never turn in things late and that he owes me big time. I saw the fear in his eyes and I know it worked. This kid will be an A student for me forever.

A couple hours later he was back with an ice cold Diet Coke and a big thanks. Yahtzee.

Moral of the Story: Kids don't realize how little things they do can seriously help them out in the classroom. Bribery, favorites, it's all true and it all works.

Top 5 Teacher Confessions that will Amaze and Help You

1. If a student is quiet and nice, I subconsciously grade their work easier, because they make my life easier. They can get away with so much more. Sometimes I see really really really good kids texting and I don't bust them on it. I know I should, but I don't want to because I trust them and have a good relationship with them
2. If a student usually works crazy hard and is perfect, I stop grading their work eventually and just give them 100% on everything to save myself time.
3. When current work comes in, I have 200+ to grade so I spend about 2 seconds on each one (meaning if it looks good at first glance I usually give it points). When late work comes in I only have like 2 or 3 to look at at a time (meaning I tear it apart and grade hard). 
4. When you come talk to me about your grade, I'm 436x more likely to help you out and get your stuff in. When your mom emails me, especially in a rude way (see earlier post) it makes me want to grade your work so hard and let it sit on my desk for a week. I know that sounds bad. But it's fact. 
5. Kids that bring me Diet Cokes, food, cute notes, compliment me, etc. - well. It's hard not to love them. Emotional bank account, people. 

The main idea here is that forming a relationship with a teacher is worthwhile. These are actually universal principles and you should just work hard to make people like you and think you're a good person and your life will automatically get easier. Promise.

Teacher Probz

This cough is MURDERING ME. It was ever so kind as to wake me up with a hacking fit at 2 am this morning to mark the 2 week anniversary of us being together. Sweet, right?

I've tried everything Pinterest, God and pharmacies have to offer and still - coughing constantly and sounding like Kurt Cobain. Two sick days, an entire pack of Dayquil, garlic/lemon/honey tea, Vicks VapoRub on my feet with socks overnight, tribal dances, nothing is doing it for me.

I've missed a couple of days of school, and there's been quite the pile of grading creeping up on me. I'm trying desperately to catch up on it - and I'll succeed today. However, one email from an illogical mother has tempted me to leave it all there, collecting dust.

Let's call her son Billy. Billy has dropped the ball a bit in the last month or so. He's failed to turn in assignments, performed poorly on quizzes and done about half of the work on the assignments he did turn in. Billy is actually really smart and a fun kid. I really like him. He's just fallen into this lull that all the kids are going through right now.

"It's getting warmer. All the girls are pushing the dress code. School is almost out. I better give up this strong pattern I've been maintaining and just lose my mind completely." - every middle school student right now.

Over the past week or so, he's been realizing how bad his grade has gotten and come in to do makeup work and turn in all his late assignments. I haven't entered his updated work for 2 very valid, normal reasons:

1. I've been sick and missed 2 days of school - during which time I not only teach and plan, but also grade all the work as it comes in. I'm usually always on top of grading. Unfortunately not when I'm passed out on the couch in front of The Office with my nose leaking. Gross. Sorry.

2. If I have a stack of current work, I grade that before I grade late and makeup work. I have limited time at school to use grading, so I feel I owe that to the kids that turned stuff in on time to get their work graded. Right? If it wasn't important enough to you to get the work in on time, it isn't important enough for me to grade it the microsecond you turn it in. I feel that this is normal and reasonable.

So here's what happened this morning. I get an email from a mom listing all of the makeup and late work her son has turned in during the past week and asking me repeatedly why those scores haven't gone in yet.

I understand this. Your kid does work, or TELLS you he does work and you aren't seeing it show up online so you are concerned. Totally get this. Totally cool with these emails.

Here's what I'm not cool with:

"The reason I'm concerned with these scores not being updated is because we grounded him from his ipod until his grades improve, but the book he needs to read for English is on his ipod so until his scores go up he can't read his book for English and we are very worried about that. We really need his grades to go up so he can get his ipod back and read for English."

Ok. Hold up. I'm all for holding kids accountable for their grades. I'm all for positive/negative reinforcement. It's perfect for this age group. Pick something they love as a reward and take away their "essentials" (phones, ipods, friend time, even makeup) as punishments. More parents should do this. So I'm not really that mad.

But lets look at the facts here.

Your son CHOSE to ease up effort in my class.

You CHOSE to take his ipod as a way to punish him.

Now, it's my fault that he can't do his English homework? No. It's not. 

If you are too prideful to go back on your decision to take his ipod, that's not my fault.

If you took his ipod without knowing his book was on it, that's not my fault. 

If Billy chose to turn in assignments late that I gave them class time to complete, that's not my fault. 

Instead of trying to lean on the teacher to cover up your mistake and your kid's failure to complete assignments, why wouldn't you use this as a learning experience with your son?

"See, son? This is why its important to just stay on top of your work. Now you are waiting on someone else and someone else is responsible for your happiness. When you do what they say to do, you are in control. When you don't, you are at their mercy and can't control anything in the situation. Life. Consequences."

That's some deep shiz that you're missing out on, Billy's mom. And your email just made me really want to let that pile of late/missing work sit there for another day. But I won't. Because BILLY MUST READ. (Not sarcastic. I really want him to read.)

More #jrhighprobs for Your Reading Pleasure

A few weeks ago my bestie Katie suggested that I write more about the funny things that happen at school. I'll oblige.

I think a lot of people still view school, and history classes in particular as super ineffective, useless and boring. Textbooks and movies and date memorization. In reality, education has come a long way. We focus on small-group collaboration, DOING rather than TELLING, and focusing on big themes and concepts rather than date/fact memorization. The new "big thing" is standards-based grading - meaning we ONLY grade whether they meet the standard or not - no behavior, homework, effort,

Last week we were studying the theme of Movement as we did our Europe unit, so we had a lesson about things that originated in Europe and are now seen as "American" and are important to our lives. The list included things like blue jeans, hamburgers and hot dogs, the music of the Beatles, Adele, One Direction, Led Zeppelin, etc, and principles of government like democracy and republics.

We mapped these at their origins and then the assignment was to write one page on something that came from Europe that they think is important to America today.

Here are a few funny exerpts from their papers (I did not correct their original spelling or grammar, fyi)

• France is a very "legit" place.
• Your not American if you don't at least know what a hamburger is.
• The hamburger is the ultimate sandwich it is no ordinary sandwich, it has a big slab of beef that is so good that it will tickle your tastebuds.
• Hamburgers are so jucie and meaty, and just really good and talking about this is makeing me really hungry.
• Cheeseburgers are one of the main reasons in the US for Obesity. Cheeseburgers in my opinion are amazing.
• One Diretion sings like angles.
• One Direction is probably the second best thing that has happened to American girls. Justin Bieber is probably the best thing thats happen to us. 
• Adele also came from England. She writes songs that make people want to cry.
• Adele has perfect skin she has no acne.
• The Sex Pistols music is crap, I won't sugar-coat it. They sound like an infint walrus being thrown into a blender while still consious and I love them for it.
• Music has saved many lives throughout the years. Yes, it may also lead other to a more worse depression, but overall, most lives are saved from it. 
• Girls wouldn't have their cute diamond butt jeans and guys wouldn't have their silly saggy jeans.
• Fences make it so you don't need to look or talk to them if you don't like them. 
• With a fence you can keep the neighbors dog of your lawn and poop free.
• If your yard looks uglie you should protect and block with a fence.
• Democracy is one of the greatest things America has, and I hope we never lose it.
• Democracy made our lives so much better because we would have a king and we would have a good chans that he would be mean. 
• Republics are important to our government. We need both (meaning democracy) to balance it out so we don't go crazy and start shooting.  

So many days I wonder what I'm doing. If I'm having a positive effect on their lives. If they are even learning. If I can overcome the overwhelming circumstances in their lives that inhibit education.

Then I read stuff like this and realize that I couldn't pay for better entertainment. And for the most part, despite the spelling and grammar, they understood the assignment and will remember the theme of movement and globalization every time they listen to One Direction. Maybe even Democracy. :)

Then I feel better and love my kids for a few more days. Until another penis is drawn on my desks. 

Care-iculum.

It's been an awesome year at Mapleton Junior High. I loved it. I learned so much. I grew. I had a great time. I met some amazing people (adults and otherwise).

As I look back on our year, past the lessons about Islam, WWII, Apartheid, Communism and Immigration, I've found that what I REALLY want them to know was never listed in my state core curriculum.

• Everyone is worth listening to, and we're all a team. 
• You are responsible and are going to be held accountable for everything in your life. Don't drop that ball. You can't cop out.
• The Office is the greatest television show ever made. 
• Clean up after yourselves!
• Self-evaluate. Constantly ask yourself "Why?" "Why am I doing this?" "Why are they doing that?" and really think about the answers. Be aware of what you are doing and why.
• To my girls - Gossip sucks and you can't control what people say about you. But the way you live will give them things to talk about, good or bad. 
• To my boys - SWAG = douchebag.

But the biggest thing I want them to walk away with?

You control your life. You determine your happiness. You build your future.

So stop whining. Stop blaming. Stop giving up on hard things. Stop competing with everyone around you.

Start trying. Start thinking. Start living. Start loving. Start choosing.

Ultimately, I want you to care. About your future. About your present. About your brain. About your heart. About your reputation. About your morals. About your family. About your relationships. About who you are and who you want to be. 

In this society that says it's cool to be apathetic and nonchalant, where you can protect your pride by not trying, I wish you could see how much I believe in you. I wish you could see the amazing things that lie ahead of you if you just have the courage to reach out and try for them. I want you to enjoy the endless benefits that come from standing up and deciding that YOU are going to be happy, no matter what.

I want the best for you. I love you and I'll miss you. Thanks for an amazing year. I wish you many, many more.

Always,



Mrs. Holdaway

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Last week I snagged a cell phone from a student. This was the first time in a while because I took like 6 phones in the first few weeks of school and word got out to not text in my class because I'm mean. Mission accomplished.

I tweeted requesting ideas for creative punishment. Obviously it is their property and I would never realistically do anything beyond school policy of taking it to the front office, but that wouldn't make the blog.

Here are a few of the suggestions I received from friends as creative punishments I could do to their phone:

1. Cat Facts. This was probably my favorite suggestion. Thanks, Mitch!
2. Put my name as "God" in their phone and text them sage advice/commandments. In the words of Miss Amanda Wallace, "It's not sacrilegious if it's something He would say." Lolz. Follow her.
3. Delete their birthday on Facebook so no one posts on their birthday. (I once changed Jeanette's birthday on Facebook to the next day when she left it logged in at work. That way people started posting "Happy Birthday!" when it wasn't her birthday. She caught it pretty quick though. Jeanette, this is my confession/apology.)
4. Delete all of their contacts. That one is a little mean.
5. Change the names to all of their contacts, i.e. Batman, Dumbledore, Barack Obama, etc.
6. Chelsey shared this video, which everyone has seen and still can't get enough of.
7. Cristina pulled a Jim and hid a student's phone in a ceiling tile and had the kid's mom call every 5 minutes. Watch out, drywall.
8. Many people have heard of planting a kid with a fake, old cell phone early on in a course, then catch them texting and smash the cell phone with a hammer. Similar to #6 for the pure shock factor.

These are just little things to fantasize about to get me through the day. Maybe soon I'll put something in jello.

It's Like Seeing A Dog Walk On It's Hind Legs!

When I was running BYUStyle (best blogging days of my life!), The Beard came up with the concept for a blogging series called "Sometimes, Always, Never." I thought it was great, but the post I wrote never got published and then we fizzled with graduating. But I'm going to do it now!

I live in the town where I teach. It has it's drawbacks. In fact, one of our teachers is leaving to teach at another school because he doesn't like to teach where he lives. I've lived here my whole life, so it isn't as big of a deal, but there is the inconvenience of often seeing my kids outside of school.

There are good and bad scenarios to being a teacher outside of the school walls.

Here's when I like being seen as a teacher in the real world:

SOMETIMES

When I see my students at the mall or in restaurants. We usually exchange smiles and a quick wave. Or if they don't see me I pretend to not see them. Visa versa, probably. Not a huge deal. SOMETIMES weird if they are weird about it. Whatever.

ALWAYS

Tuesday night when we were at Magleby's for our romantic little Valentine's date, I ran into a mom of one of my students. We communicate frequently about his progress and we've become friends. She was so happy to see me and quickly pulled her husband over to meet me, and took the time to meet and introduce her husband to The Beard as well. After the issues with parents at the beginning of this term, it was really nice to see good, happy parents who appreciate teachers. That will ALWAYS be welcome.

NEVER

The day before Thanksgiving, 10 pm, I'm in the kitchen making desserts to take to our double duty Thanksgiving festivities. I realize that I need more cream cheese for the mini-cheesecakes and we need to run to Reams super quick. How do I look?

Hair in a messy top knot (not in the chic way, but in the "I'm cooking" way.)

Oversized Star Wars t-shirt, hitting about mid-thigh

Black leggings. Probably with some flour fingerprints.

Boots, NOT Uggs. Let the record show that I was NOT wearing Uggs.

10 pm makeup - probably smudged or disappearing.

As I climb out of the car at Reams, I hear it. The dreaded:

"Dude. Isn't that your TEACHER?"

Two kids chillin on skateboards, drinking their Mountain Dew spot me and yell "Hey, Mrs. Holdaway! What are you doing? Cool Star Wars shirt? Is this your husband?" and who knows how many other things.

I was ambushed, you guys. I don't expect junior high kids to be out at 10:30 pm in public by themselves. I looked FANTASTIC obviously. So that's when it's NEVER ok to be a teacher outside of school. Basically just when I look like a WoW nerd in public.