But He Kissed Me Anyway

I've written several times about the long, low-key, behind-the-scenes nature of my courtship with The Beard - most of it occurred after midnight, after our friends went home, in our cars talking until the sun came up.

Earlier this month I posted my October Bucket list, and that list includes watching a scary movie, NOT with the Beard, who HATES scary movies. It got me thinking about this story - the first night The Beard and I hung out one-on-one, the first night we kissed, and how I learned that he hates scary movies.

It was a snowy Friday in mid-December, and The Beard was working playing music at the Sky Lodge Bar in Park City. My parents were out of town, so I was staying at their house and chillin with Blade for the weekend. We'd been hanging out pretty consistently and texted about hanging out that weekend. I was pretty excited about hanging out with him one-on-one, even if he didn't get done playing the bar until midnight. So, of course, I was pleasantly surprised when he texted me for my parent's address.

Here comes the scandalous part: He showed up at my parent's house AFTER MIDNIGHT, we were unsupervised, and he didn't leave until about 5:30 am. Sorry Honor Code! You guys need to make sure no rival football teams get a hold of this information.

As usual I was taking advantage of my parent's 500 dish channels when The Beard arrived. We sat on the couch talking as I finished up the last of "The Others" (the first scary movie I ever saw in theaters as a tender young 14 year old). After that I found "The Strangers" which is pretty awesome if you're into serial killer/slasher/suspense flicks like I am. I didn't think anything of it, because I love scary movies, and we were talking over it anyway.

We were talking, laughing and telling stories and then the most miraculous thing happened - I looked down and we were holding hands FOR THE FIRST TIME. Turns out The Beard has some of the smoothest moves ever. It was so natural and normal I didn't even notice.

Finally around 5 am I started falling asleep to Poltergeist, and The Beard said he should probably go home. He kissed me for the first time and obvs it was pretty awesome. Awesome enough to block out the cheesy 80s screaming in the background. Romance at its finest.

It wasn't until a few months later when I suggested we watch Paranormal Activity that he said:

"You know, I really don't like scary movies."

"Yes you do! Remember that night at my parent's house? We watched scary movies all night! And then you kissed me! Remember? It was awesome!"

"No. I remember you making me wait through 3 scary movies so I could kiss you and go home."

Lolz. Thanks for waiting, Beard. I hope it was worth it.

In related news, if anyone wants to suggest or come watch scary movies with me - I won't make you stay till 5 am and kiss me.

The Two Types of Girls I Won't Let My Brother Date

Friday I was down in Mapleton throwing this baseball-themed bachelorette party for one of my high school softball buddies - Kayla - until about midnight. It was so great to see these lovely ladies again, and meet some of Kayla's post-grad friends. We laughed and laughed and ate way too much popcorn. (no such thing)

 



I found myself thinking "How lucky am I to have these amazing friends that I can go months and months without seeing, yet fall right back into our comfortable friendship without missing a beat?"

At the same time, I thought about the group texting I was doing with Katie D, Eliesa and Jeanette - my LAO besties from college. These girls were way more than just coworkers, and I don't go more than a few days without contacting them via phone, email or social media. 


Earlier that day I'd been eating lunch and laughing my head off with my teacher friends in the faculty break room, feeling so happy that I finally made friends and fit in at school.

The next day, I'd get comments on my blog from girls I only kind of knew in high school and girls I've never met (looking at you Nicole and Danica!) that I see as good friends. They add so much nice to my life, just through kind words and likes.

That evening I'd be watching the rivalry game with the Ashby's - and Katie A's become one of my closest friends even though we only met a few years ago. I'd say we're even better friends than our husbands at this point. What do you think, Katie?

I thought a lot about my life and my friends. I think I was lucky enough to strike a pretty delicate balance - new and old friends that I can value forever. It got me thinking about girls who can't strike that balance and what that says about them. 

Without Further Ado:  

The Two Types of Girls I Won't Let My Brother Date

Type #1 - The Uncle Rico

I don't mean to say she LOOKS like Uncle Rico, only that this type of girl has the Uncle Rico disease - nostalgia to a fault. These girls peaked in high school and will never be able to completely move on. These girls still hang exclusively with their high school besties, date only boys from their hometown and never make new friends.

What's the problem with this? you may ask. The problem is that these high school, long term friend groups ALWAYS have some level of toxicity, large or small. When these girls stay together, they don't grow or change for the better. They continue to reinforce the negative behaviors they all have, finding comfort in numbers. Maybe even worse - their personalities are stagnated. These are some of the most dull and boring women you will ever meet.

Look on Facebook, and you will find these Uncle Rico girls. Posting the same pictures with the same girls, posting the inane details of their boring lives, and continually trying to maintain their relevance. These are often the girls that marry too quickly and have children so rapidly - to assert that they are something.

These girls are missing out on so much! I love my high school besties and I still see them whenever possible, but what if I'd never met Katie & Eliesa? My life would be very different, and less rich.

Type #2 - The Kleenex

Every time you see this girl she is with a new "bestie." This girl uses people for a brief period, then disposes of them as quickly. She's always running with a new crowd, dating a new boy, dragging a new friend on her overly-accessorized arm. She's in the know and on the scene. This girl absolutely cannot be alone and gets bored with people easily. Spending a night at home is simply not an option.

Why is this girl a problem? Because a girl who can't keep a friend is a girl who doesn't deserve any! Girls like this are catty, selfish and opportunistic. Gentleman - if you ever see a girl that is always with a new friend, never a consistent best friend or group, run. If she can't treat her friends well enough to keep them around, she definitely won't treat you with respect, either.

You will also find this girl ALL over Facebook. She'll have a ridiculous amount of friends (1,000+), 300 different profile pics and each with a different boy or girl, she'll be going to every ALL CAPS FACEBOOK EVENT-ALLOOZA!!!!, and don't be surprised if you see a broken engagement or two.

These girls are so lonely and sad, despite their constant attempts at companionship. They are missing the intimacy that comes with knowing someone so well you can send ugly snapchats and bitchy text complaints with the assurance that they still love you and will always be there for you. How do you live without that? For example, we spent a considerable portion of the night stalking a guy that had recently done some sketchy stuff to one of our friends (Below: Gabi even called his work! LOLZ), and I know those girls would do that for me, too. 

So there you have it, Mitch. When you get home from your mission in 21 months I expect you to fully comply with these guidelines. Find a girl that has great high school and hometown friends that she still sees and loves, but find a girl who also made new friends after high school that she will also stick with. Socially healthy and morally responsible girls take their friendships seriously and treasure them. Good girls are good people, and they are always attracting other good people. Look for someone who values people, new and old, and you'll find someone worthy of your love.

I Can't Believe I'm Defending Twilight

I recently wrote about The Beard and I fighting over music. Another argument we often have, more good-naturedly (?) than our music arguments, is about our favorite series - LOTR for The Beard and obvs Harry Potter for me. Neither of us have read the other's favorite series, but we have watched the movies several times and enjoy it.

{I DID read The Hobbit and liked it, and I've tried to read LOTR like 10x but I just can't get past Rivendell. One day. One day. And The Beard and I have listened to 1-4.5 of the HP audiobooks on drives to St. George. Compromise}

Our arguments are usually just joking - "Harry Potter has more applicable and meaningful life & moral lessons. They aren't just kids books. They are adult books that also can be for kids. You learn something new about them and YOURSELF every time you read them!!!!" vs. "LOTR is an allegory and it's just so deep and noble and blah blah" I don't really listen that closely because at that point I'm usually crying about Dobby the second I hear the word "noble."

We usually never even talk about Twilight, because why? The Beard, like all men, hates Twilight. This Oatmeal video accurately sums up his ideas.


Last night we started arguing about it, even though I don't feel that strongly about them. Did I like Twilight? Not really. I enjoyed the first book and hated each one more and more after that. Are they groundbreaking? No. Should they define our generation? Hell no. But would I stop my children from reading them? Absolutely not. And here's why.

"These books are pointless and STUPID."

Yeah, so? If kids are excited about reading something that isn't 50 Shades of Gray or Halo cheat codes, we should be psyched about that. It's not Shakespeare. But it's something. Just read.

"It is PORNOGRAPHY for WOMEN."

Really? REALLY? Is it? It encourages waiting until marriage for intimacy and its pretty low-key when intimacy is involved. Sure, it's charged and emotional. But it is NOT pornography. You know what IS pornography for women? Trashy romance novels with half naked women and shirtless men on the covers that explicitly describes sexual encounters. Shut your stupid mouth you idiot.

Which brings me to my strongest, most angry argument.

"It just gives girls unreasonable expectations!"

I'm sorry - do you think they expect handsome vampires to show up and fall in love with them? Oh you think that the RELATIONSHIP is unreasonable, I see. Which part? The part where the man respects the woman? The part where the man protects the woman? The part where the man doesn't push a physical relationship? The part where the man is unselfish and puts the woman first?

Yes, Bella is worthless. Yes, Edward's dedication, selflessness and perfection is unrealistic.

I believe that if we're going to rank fictional characters to model our ideal men after we should DEFINITELY be going for a Neville Longbottom over an Edward Cullen. 

But if there's something that attracts females to these books that they can learn from, it's certainly the idea that women should expect respect and care from a male suitor. I see so many girls - students, friends, acquaintances, randoms in a restaurant - with complete DOUCHEBAGS that treat them TERRIBLY.

If all we take away from Twilight is that love should be happy, mutual, selfless and safe - then that's a lesson plenty of women in this world need to learn.

But make sure you read all the Harry Potters first. They have better lessons. And I hear LOTR has some good lessons too. :)

2 Years and Code Red

Two Years!!! It's like a marriage mission. How quickly went by gives me hope that the next two (while Mitch is gone) will go by just as quickly!

 

Yesterday we were at the Holdaway's for Sunday dinner and envelope stuffing (3 weeks until Haley & Chris tie the knot!), and we got talking about when The Beard and I were pre-dating.

Pre-dating: adj. stage of romantic interest, basically dating, often unofficial or secret.

The Beard was very secretive about me and I was in Wales at the time, so no one knew about me except a few of his closest friends. The night his family found out about me contains one of the best Ryan/Danica stories of all time. So the Beard went through his email and found the email he sent me that night to give me a good laugh - enjoy!

=====

Remember how I mentioned that the family found out you exist last
night? {We were talking on gchat when Haley came down to get him for dinner} I'll recap how this went down:

Haley: so who was that on the phone?
Ryan: don't know what you're talking about.
Haley: yes you do. That girl. Who was that girl.
Ryan: you're crazy. There was no girl. Please pass the lemonade.


......


Mom: so Ryan. Seriously. Lets talk about your dating life. Obviously
you don't have a girlfriend. Are you dating? Is there any girls in
your life? What's up?

Haley: well he was on the phone with a girl earlier and won't tell me
anything about it

Mom: who was it? Fess up!

Ryan: well... Actually... There kind of is someone. But she's in the
UK right now.

Mom: wait. Manchester, England?

Ryan: Near there. Yes.

Dad: oh my hell. We aren't going down THAT road again are we. {Reference to a crazy ex-girlfriend serving her mission in Manchester at the time}

Mom: she's not a Ginger is she?

Ryan: nope. She's a blonde.

Mom: she's not high maintenance is she?

Ryan: nope. She's cool. All my frens really like here

Haley: uh oh. CB?

Mom. What's CB?

Ryan: actually no. They've been cool
About it. And don't worry about it.

Mom. What's her name? Where does
She work? Does she want lots of grandbabies?

Ryan: this conversation is over.

So. Then tonight I was sitting in the living room facetiming with Tom
and the whole fam walked in. Tom and I had been talking about how Todd
has a girlfriend now and Tom said "you TOTALLY need to date Danica
this fall so we can go on triple dates broooo!" (we may or may not
have talked about you a few minutes earlier). Anywho at that point my
mom walks around the corner and says "Oh. Are we talking about Danica
Anne Budge? She went to Stonehenge. She has a blog. She went to the
pride and prejudice house and acted out the wedding scene!..."

Needless to say I hung up on Tom and. Freaked. Out.

Just so you know. My mom has now facebook stalked you extensively and
may or may not try to contact you. I apologize in advance.

PS. That profile pic of you at Stonehenge was a dead giveaway.

=========

Pretty good right?  Hard to top that. That was 3 years ago. When I got home a few weeks later, we started officially dating. I finally met Kitty (my mother-in-law) and the whole gang in November. We were engaged in May, married in July and here we are 2 years later. Our marriage is continually improving and we still love sitting on the couch and watching Netflix for hours and making fun of people on the internet together.

Here's to many more. :)

I Knew Going to FHE was a Bad Idea.

This is a story about when I realized that the Beard was IT. I thought it apropos since it's Valentine's week and all. **Incidentally it is also the story of one of the worst dates I've ever been on.**

Background

The Beard and I met in August 2009. We started hanging out in October and kissed in December. It was still really casual and cautious, and in March we both decided independently to be gone for the summer - Ryan in Arizona and me in England. We hung out more and more in April, realizing we really liked each other in the face of departure.

A week after we first met - the night he got my digits. Epic. 

The night before he left for Arizona, at the end of April, we had a really good talk about our expectations for the summer. We weren't even bf/gf at that point, so doing the long distance thing was clearly out of the question. The Beard was a bit of a commitment-phobe at the time and I had reservations about that. I also knew that he was going down there with his single dude posse, and that there would undoubtedly be  just scores of hot Arizona girls to occupy their limited down time.

As for me, this was the first summer that I didn't take classes and two months before I left. I was incredibly excited about have a "real" summer and though I really liked Ryan, I wasn't going to waste my summer stressing about a boy that wasn't here.

So we decided to have an awesome summer, stay in touch if we wanted to, and see what September brought back, with equal parts hope and pessimism.

FHE/DATE MARKET

Ryan left on a Sunday. Monday I got up, went to work, and had a very regular day. No tears, no sadness. I was pretty sure Ryan was going to forget about me and I can't STAND feeling clingy. I just decided to get over it, expect nothing, have fun and not even think about him. There were new adventures ahead.

When I got home, my cute roommate Natalie was getting ready for FHE and invited me to come. I LOLed a little.

Fun Fact About Danica: HATES Singles Wards. Hates FHE. I was semi inactive while in college, because I hated going to church so bad. I went to every farewell in Springville/Mapleton, went to my home ward often, and left early from my singles ward all the time.

Still. I was committed to meeting new people and having a blast this summer, so I went. Big mistake. I don't remember what we did, but we sat down in the big circle of chairs and instantly some boys came over to talk to us. I looked up and was instantly drawn to one of the guys, who saw me looking and walked toward me, smiling.

"Wow." I thought. "They really were right about singles wards. I am having a Taylor Swift moment with a guy I've never met. All because of FHE."

He sits down next to me, we exchange names and small talk, and then the Bishop gets up to start the lesson/activity/whatever we were doing. We quiet down. I was trying to be as charming as possible, obviously.

My mind is going a mile a minute. "What was that connection? Did he feel it? Don't get ahead of yourself, Crazy, he could have a girlfriend. Could I even date someone in my ward? That's an awkward story to tell our kids we met in a singles ward." Don't act like you haven't done this embarrassing thought train route before.

But then I started to notice all my judgy little things. "That's weird... why would I be attracted to a guy in construction-style dirty boots? Wait a minute. Those are Bugle Boy jeans. His hat is camouflage. What. What. What."

Let me be clear. I have no issue with many of those observations. It's just not my type. I was starting to question my mental health. Then he started talking again.

"Do you like Mexican food? I need a date for this week and I'd sure like to get some Cafe Rio!"

How did I not notice his hick accent before? And did he really just ask me out within 5 minutes of knowing me? I even thought I was attracted to this guy. I'm going crazy. I must be.

I accepted, because I will always accept a first date. Always. Any single girl who doesn't is a B*TCH. Who do you think you are, turning down a guy who worked up the courage to compliment you with a date?

As we left FHE, I'm in this weird shock. What just happened? I thought I had a legitimate connection with this guy. Am I crazy? He's 0% my type. The more I talked to him, the less I liked him.

Plus he was clearly fresh off his mission - he brought it up like 100 times and asked what my favorite scripture was. All the more apparent during our date... dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnnn...

THE DATE

The next morning he sent me a very next follow-up text. With one too many winky-faces. How many you ask? One. I'm mean. I know he was just trying to be nice. But a winky face is always creepy.

Two days later, he would pick me up 20 minutes early for our date (WORSE THAN BEING LATE) and proceed to offer a prayer over our Cafe Rio meal in the middle of the restaurant. Yes.  As always at Cafe Rio, there were no less than 10 people I knew there, watching. No that I'm ashamed of praying. I pray. Oh, do I pray. But am I wrong in thinking that maybe in the middle of Cafe Rio on a first date might not be the appropriate time/place for a verbal prayer? Regardless, I bowed my head and prayed with him.

The REALIZATION

After dinner, I politely declined his offer to watch a movie at his place. It seemed weird at 6 pm on a Wednesday night. Also he probably only watched the Living Scriptures, and man, sometimes Laman and Lemuel are just too much for me, you know?

I walked back into my apartment is disbelief. What a dismal date from such optimistic beginnings. 

So what was going on? What did it mean?!!!!

At that precise moment of confusion, my other roommate, Becca, walks up. I told her I just went on a date with that kid from FHE.

"WHAT? That guy talking your ear off all night? He totally reminded me of Ryan! He looks so much like him!"



........


Well.



There it is.

He had Ryan's same color and shape of eyes.  Brown hair. Big football guy build.

Bingo.

So I'm not gonna say that was the moment I gave up dating, because I went out with a handful of guys in those two months before England. But it was.

Cafe Rio prayer guy reminded me that there was no one quite like Ryan, and that I wanted to see where that went. I'm really glad the Beard felt the same way and spent his summer texting me between houses.

Because it went here.

BFFaeae (Best Friends Forever and ever and ever)

Before Chistmas I got together with a few of my softball friends from high school for delicious Mexican food at Los Hermanos. Although Gabi, Holli, Kandice and Sar-Bear couldn't make it, me, Kellie, Keeli and Kayla had a great time. I'm so lucky to have such great friends. Gosh I love these girls.

After Senior Day 2008

Every so often we try to put together these dinners to see one another and catch up. Each time, our lives have changed more dramatically, and more of us live farther from Springville. I love hearing everyone's updates because it's so surreal that we are all real adults with real lives. Imagine that.

Dinner at P.F. Changs in 2009

Some of us are married. Some still dating. Some in school. Some graduated. Some in Springville. Some in West Jordan, Ogden and Kentucky.

At my wedding in July 2011

None of us have kids yet. So that's something. Doesn't this look like a group of great future mothers?

80's Stomp 2007

Some of these girls I haven't seen in over a year. But it doesn't matter. We don't miss a beat. Within minutes we are "glory days"-ing and laughing over inside jokes from 2002 or earlier.

Senior Softball Photos 2008

I'm so lucky to have these girls that are still counted among my best friends, 5 years after high school.  They still know me better than almost anyone (Beard). Friends 4 evaaaaaaaa.

Senior Prom 2008

The Beard and I talk about this often, especially when we are talking with our single male friends:

A girl having a somewhat consistent, long-term group of friends is a good sign of stability and low levels of crazy. Despite the duck faces. 

Sunshine Tournament 2007

We always tell our guy friends that a girl that has a different girlfriend every time you see her - run. Run fast and far.

Because those girls are even too crazy for OTHER GIRLS.

Yikes.

Dating for Dummies: Married Edition

We had the best date night last Monday. So great that it made us realize how lame we normally are with our date nights. We do really easy, comfortable, familiar things usually. At least we are good about having a "date night" once a week, I guess.

Anyway. If you're like us and need to spruce up the ol' date night, we somehow succeeded. Here are the key elements, as I see it.

Plan it in advance. Think back to your days of "Planned, Paired Off and Paid For." Even if it's simple, a little planning and scheduling in advance is the best. It's something to put on the calendar and look forward to. 

(The Beard got tickets to this Jazz game in the Larry H. Miller Suite a few weeks ago. So fun.)

Make the transportation part of your date - whether that's taking a scenic route, parking and walking a few blocks to your restaurant, or listening to specific music in the car makes that time more memorable.

(We took the Trax from Sandy to Downtown - neither of us being big Trax users. Best people watching of all time. We also did a Backstreet Boys singalong on the way home, but that's pretty normal.)

Do something new, like a restaurant you've never tried or a store you've never been in.

(Z'Tejas was a last minute decision but the giant bowl of guacamole made right at our table was the highlight of my night. It's rare that I can weasel the Beard out of Italian and into Mexican food, so when it's yummy I rub it in.)

Positive Conversation is where it's at. Focus on things you love, things you're excited for and retelling old stories. 

(We have been trying so hard to not complain about our jobs, and it's paying off. We talked about our families, Christmas plans, single girls to set our single guys up with, and of course Glen Coco.)

And finally, the best discovery I made was actually an unfortunate accident. 

And the reason I have no pictures. Not even of my outfit. I wore a Star Wars graphic tee, blazer, cropped pants and leopard studded loafers. Definitely outfit-post worthy, but we missed it. Just imagine it, would you? Here's my outfit today anyways. Not as cute. Much more teacher-y. But I finally got a polka dot sweater! Blogger win!

Puppy: Heaven, sweater: Forever 21, chambray shirt: Old Navy, pants: Gap, boots: Forever Young

Turn your phone off, leave it in the car, silent mode, whatever you need to do. You become so much more mentally present and engaged when your phone/Twitter/Instagram isn't buzzing in the back of your mind.

At first I was bummed that I couldn't post a pic and live tweet the game, but it only lasted about a minute. Once I realized I didn't have to check my phone constantly and could give the Beard my full attention, the night just took off. 

I realized that THAT is what a date truly is. Devoting your attention to one person for a few hours to show them you care and really want to know them. After 7 years of dating you would think I'd have figured that out by now.

Well I've figured it out now. And I'm super excited for more phone-less dates with that bearded guy I like.

Surprise Me - A Dating Horror in Provo

Surprise date:

Noun - a date between two parties wherein one of the parties is unaware that said event is a "date," usually believing the event to be a "group" activity.

Verb - to lure an unsuspecting party into a "date" situation by deceptive means.

The surprise date. Bread-and-butter of the over-eager in the dating world. Most of you have probably experienced the surprise date, hopefully not on the "surprising" end. You really can't make it out of Provo dating culture without this rite of passage.

When I was living in Provo, right before I met the Beard, I was hanging out with this group of guys. They all lived together and were mission buddies. We liked the same shows and movies, and they liked to cook, so I liked hanging out there. I've always been most comfortable with a group of all guys. I was good friends with all of them and really enjoyed hanging out there. One of the boys I suppose took a liking to me, and started being more proactive about inviting me to stuff. But it was always "We are all ...." or "Me and the guys...." or "A bunch of us got tickets to...."

Until he stopped delivering on those invitations. After a couple of weird one-on-ones, he asked me to go to his mission reunion with him AND THE GUYS. At first, I thought nothing of it. I was good friends with these dudes, and I'd heard their stories about other mission people for months now. Then he asked if he could introduce me as HIS GIRLFRIEND. Um, exclamation point?

From that point on, I was careful. Or so I thought. He would invite me to come watch a movie, and I'd make sure they were all going to be there. But I'd show up and then, as though by previous command, all the guys except the Surprise Dater would leave the room and we'd end up watching a movie alone.

From that point on, I was cynical. I only hung out one more time - a dinner at a sushi restaurant for one of the guy's birthdays. It was guaranteed that this was a group thing, and I confirmed with several other guys before showing up. Surprise Dater had conveniently reserved the seat next to him for me and then, at the end of the meal, proceeded to embarrass himself completely by DEMANDING that he pay for my dinner as well. Everyone else was on separate checks. I assured the waitress I would pay for my own. He literally stood, handed his card to her and stated in the most terrifying tone

"IT. WOULD. BE. MY. PLEASURE."

Are you serious? Clearly, that was the last time I hung out with the group. It simply wasn't safe anymore. Between the forced Facebook photos, deceptive "movie nights," and any other conceivable attempt to date me, I couldn't risk it anymore.

Surprise dating is a real thing. It is an obstacle in the gauntlet that is the Provo Dating Scene. It is a real ailment and I don't even know how to help you avoid it.

Who else has been Surprise Dated? Share your stories here, on the Facebook link, or email me and I'll share. :)

ValenTIMES Day

I love Valentines Day. I always have. Even when I was single, I prided myself on not being one of those bitter girls. You know the types.

1. The Denier. Boycotts Valentine's Day by watching violent movies, wearing all black, locking themselves in their apartments. I bet that makes you feel better, huh?

2. The Annoyer. Pretends to not care, has a loud, obnoxious girls night by taking the tables meant for couples at the chic sushi restaurant. We get it. You're SOOOOO independent.

3. The Whiner. Basically just drops pity-party comments like "Well, if I HAD anyone to spend it with..." "These hearts just remind me that I'm alone, hahahaha! *sob*" There is a reason you're alone, sweetheart.

Celebrate LOVE you guys! It doesn't matter if you don't have it yet! It's ok. And it's ok for other couples to celebrate. The flowers, chocolates and teddy bears might be tacky, but it's not the items. It's a celebration of LOVE!

Last year's Valentine's, or ValenTIMES, as Ryan calls it, was amazing. Ryan surprised me with dinner at Shoga, a completely shocking ring shopping trip, and hilarious people watching at the Cocoa Bean. It was perfect. For our first married Valentimes we wanted to keep the pace.

Ryan is surprising me with the dinner location, again. Cocoa Bean will be our delicious dessert, and instead of ring shopping we're planning a cozy night with an old romantic movie (we're thinking "An Affair to Remember" or something equally classy).

I keep planning outfit after outfit. No one tell me I have to pick just one.

And I just couldn't resist the cute boxes of class Valentines so I got some classy Batman Valentines and I'm whipping up these pink beauties for our family and friends. Hopefully Cupid smiles upon me in this quest.

Love LOVE and love you all!

Think Outside the Box

I've never been a fan of weird singles ward things - ward prayer, dessert parties, FHE at the bishopric's house, speed dating, etc. So naturally I avoided the Munch & Mingle. I liked to lay low in a singles ward. Sure, I went. I did my Visiting Teaching (usually). I accepted and magnified callings. But I would often go to other wards, leave after sacrament and avoided activities at all costs.

When The Beard and I were dating pretty seriously in the spring, I came around more (having a boyfriend is a perfect excuse for hanging with your roommates and being antisocial). I still didn't go to activities, but when my roommate Tiffany got called to run the Munch & Mingle every week, I stuck around to support her. Bad idea.

One Sunday as I was about to grab my vegetable plate and sneak home, the fellowshipping committee guy (don't you love these made-up callings?) cornered me.

"Danica, right? Hi I'm fellowshipping guy. We have this little 'Get to know you' form that the Bishop wants everyone in the ward to fill out. I don't think we've gotten one for you yet."

Nope. You haven't. Been in the ward 6 months and almost made it out scot-free. "Oh? Hmmm. Ok..... So..... do you want me to...... fill it out? .... Now?"

"YES!" - pure exuberance as he hands me the form. I sigh and sit down. I hate stuff like this, normally. But you have to understand. At this point, The Beard and I were getting engaged in the future (I wish it had been the NEAR) and we were already planning on going to his ward's incredibly awkward Marriage Prep class (a story for another blog post). So this little survey is even more pointless. Hence, my answers

Name: Danica Anne

Age: no comment

Hometown: Diagon Alley

Current House: The Dream Palace

Major: Molding of Minds

Calling: Monday night babysitting (I was FHE mom. Also, if the Bishop doesn't already know this, I don't want to tell him!)

Favorite Color: Black. It is the most Dominant.

Favorite Food: Water.

Favorite Movie: Phantom of the Opera. (Ok, that one was real. I couldn't betray them.)

Favorite Season: Salt.

Favorite Sport: Jousting

Favorite Hobby: Sleep

I know. I'm a smart a**. But then to my surprise I see a classic "Check the Box" question at the end.

"Are you dating someone? Yes/No."

Uh.... What? Why would the Bishop need to know that? You're more likely to land in the Penalty Box? Maybe to know if we need a section of Marriage & Family Relations? I don't know. I thought that was weird and personal. BUT if it meant I didn't have to go to the stupid speed dating crap, fine by me. I checked "YES."

I handed it back and snuck out as quickly as possible, grinning to myself. Tiffany came home excited and confused. "I saw that your form was in the date box....?"

"The Date Box? What is that? No, I filled out a form for the Bishop."

"That's the Date Box."

"What in the h*ll is the Date Box?"

She preceded to explain that the Date Box is where everyone in the ward is mixed together like some depressing single-life gumbo, and people are matched together for a date. It's ridiculous. It's the lowest form of singles ward functions. I felt relieved that I had checked the box "YES." That saved me. Surely they'd take my form out. And even if they didn't, my ludicrous answers made me seem psychotic, so no one would call me anyways. Right?

Wrong.

Thursday night of that week, The Beard and I were out at my parent's house for Office Night. My phone starts ringing from an unrecognized number. I had been getting calls from schools about interviews over that entire week, so I'd just been answering everything instead of screening calls. Obviously this wasn't a Junior High calling at 8 pm on a Thursday. But I answered.

"Hi, is this Danica?"

"Uh, yeah this is she."

"Hi. This is random dude from the ward.... I pulled you out of the Date Box and I was wondering.... are you available Saturday night?"

My eyes widen and The Beard can hear everything on the other line. He starts laughing and I am taken aback.

"Oh!.... um... well...."

"You're seeing someone."

"Well, yes," I laugh, "I'm sorry! I checked the box on the form..." I trail off, mumbling and awkward.

"Oh. Ok. That's too bad. Well. Maybe some other time. Have a good night!"

Maybe some other time?! Ryan is laughing and I'm equal parts embarrassed and amused. Did he not see the checked box? Did he think it wasn't for real? Did he check my Facebook and see that I wasn't "in a relationship?" There's no way he was turned on by my love for "jousting," was he? How did this happen?

Classic. This is Provo. And I couldn't be happier to be married.

Classy and Formal

I love my life. My last two weeks in Provo before I ship out have been the best of my entire summer. And I've had an awesome summer.

Last night I was privileged to attend the most exclusive private society in Provo - Minae ut Congregatio (Latin for "Menace to Society"). This is a professional Gentleman's Society, roughly 6 months old, and very active here in Provo. Twice a month, these Menacing Gentlemen gather with equally classy females of their choosing, best dress, of course, and enjoy an evening that speaks of a different age.

If there's one thing I love, it's formality. If there's two things I love, they are class and formality. Being classy is always my goal, but it's not for me to decide or determine if I reach an acceptable standard. But formality I think I achieve. I often get asked why I wear head-to-toe black, skirts and dress pants often. It's true my office doesn't require that level of dressiness. I just like being and looking formal. I often overdress. Don't get me wrong. I get home from work and throw on sweats almost every night. I guess it's the girly side of me, but I love getting all dolled up for stuff. So naturally I was absolutely thrilled when I was asked to attend a best dress, formal event.

Especially if it's a classy Cocktail Party.

Except we are all nice Mormon individuals so I guess it was "mocktails" but that just sounds stupid.

I was immediately inspired by the fashion-forward musical Chicago. I watched the 2002 film before I left to visit the city in focus, having always wanted to have seen it. The best part of the whole movie was how much I incorporated their style and looks into my own look after watching it. They could have stepped right off the set of the movie and into the downtown area of any city and looked maybe a little overdone but very chic. I think I must be obsessed a little bit with the "Roaring Twenties," maybe because I'm a roaring twenty myself right now, but I LOVE the formality, the classiness, the society of the '20s. Society itself had an unwritten dress code. People had swagger, but the kind that is still polite and looking to earn respect, not just expect it. The men were confident, smooth and pursued what they wanted directly. Women were recognizing new rights and freedoms, having fun, being independent, but never "wore the pants." Femininity was still important. I love that.

And most importantly. The Style.

If I could rock a finger-waved bob, you better believe I would. I told my mom that when I was 14, and I've repeated it several times since. Also, the short, blunt bangs have always intrigued me, and a couple years ago I worked up the guts to try it. I loved that too. At H&M in Chicago, I saw a Flapper-esque dress, and was inches away from buying it and thought "But really, when am I going to wear this?" Am I kicking myself now? Absolutely. An hour or so after that, I came across a headband in Aldo that I couldn't resist. Black with a silver embellishment, very Flapper. Recently inspired by the movie Chicago, my new headband and a new red lipstick, I got ready with a 1920s cocktail party in mind. Muted cheeks and eyes, winged black liquid eyeliner, matte red lips, an outfit similar to this one with sparkly silver accessories. I was kind of loving it and wishing I could dress up every day. I think I found my Halloween costume. Katie Derrick - What do you think?

The party was held in the classiest room I've ever seen in Provo. "The Cigar Room" is lushly decorated, with a nostalgic, vintage feel. I wasn't really expecting anything other than my outfit to pay tribute to a different age, so imagine my delight at the decor of our venue (complete with a crystal chandelier-my favorite!). I should have snapped a picture of it. I didn't take any pictures and now I'm wishing I had. :( Anyways, everyone arrived, classy and formal. We sat in a large circle and the members opened the meeting with announcements and proposals. Drinks were served with classy lemons, limes and the optional umbrella. Andrew was leaving the society in a week when he was getting married and moving to Colorado, so he had the honor of leading the discussion. Each meeting there is a discussion about things that are and create Menaces to Society. What they are, why they are, how they can be changed, prevented or used for the betterment of society. Andrew chose to introduce the topic of egoism. We talked at length about pride, the Fundamental Attribution Error, and becoming better people in general.

When's the last time you sat with a group of peers and discussed deep moral topics, with some formality and plenty of humor? I spend a great deal of my time in conversation with all different kinds of people, often about life and moral issues, but never in such earnest and honest conversation, meant to edify all those present. "We like to think of ourselves as influencers of Provo. For the better," claimed my date. After this discussion, I found that he was not being pretentious or conceited at all.

And then.....

We

To

and it was the best social event I've been to in the past year.

Why can't we go back to the 1920s way of socially interacting? Why can't we be classy and formal? Why can't we live our lives richly and with flair?

This was a great night, not just because of the company, the outfits, the discussion, how much I smiled, or laughed. This was a great night because it gave me hope that Provo (and the world) isn't entirely given over to the social agenda of (and I will recognize that I do actually LIKE all of these things, I just think they shouldn't be the only social interaction/dating method, which they are becoming) frozen yogurt dates, random Neon/80s/Jersey Shore/Techno/Stoplight/House/Dessert dance parties, redboxing movies and homebody hanging out.

You stay classy, Provo.