The Two Types of Girls I Won't Let My Brother Date

Friday I was down in Mapleton throwing this baseball-themed bachelorette party for one of my high school softball buddies - Kayla - until about midnight. It was so great to see these lovely ladies again, and meet some of Kayla's post-grad friends. We laughed and laughed and ate way too much popcorn. (no such thing)

 



I found myself thinking "How lucky am I to have these amazing friends that I can go months and months without seeing, yet fall right back into our comfortable friendship without missing a beat?"

At the same time, I thought about the group texting I was doing with Katie D, Eliesa and Jeanette - my LAO besties from college. These girls were way more than just coworkers, and I don't go more than a few days without contacting them via phone, email or social media. 


Earlier that day I'd been eating lunch and laughing my head off with my teacher friends in the faculty break room, feeling so happy that I finally made friends and fit in at school.

The next day, I'd get comments on my blog from girls I only kind of knew in high school and girls I've never met (looking at you Nicole and Danica!) that I see as good friends. They add so much nice to my life, just through kind words and likes.

That evening I'd be watching the rivalry game with the Ashby's - and Katie A's become one of my closest friends even though we only met a few years ago. I'd say we're even better friends than our husbands at this point. What do you think, Katie?

I thought a lot about my life and my friends. I think I was lucky enough to strike a pretty delicate balance - new and old friends that I can value forever. It got me thinking about girls who can't strike that balance and what that says about them. 

Without Further Ado:  

The Two Types of Girls I Won't Let My Brother Date

Type #1 - The Uncle Rico

I don't mean to say she LOOKS like Uncle Rico, only that this type of girl has the Uncle Rico disease - nostalgia to a fault. These girls peaked in high school and will never be able to completely move on. These girls still hang exclusively with their high school besties, date only boys from their hometown and never make new friends.

What's the problem with this? you may ask. The problem is that these high school, long term friend groups ALWAYS have some level of toxicity, large or small. When these girls stay together, they don't grow or change for the better. They continue to reinforce the negative behaviors they all have, finding comfort in numbers. Maybe even worse - their personalities are stagnated. These are some of the most dull and boring women you will ever meet.

Look on Facebook, and you will find these Uncle Rico girls. Posting the same pictures with the same girls, posting the inane details of their boring lives, and continually trying to maintain their relevance. These are often the girls that marry too quickly and have children so rapidly - to assert that they are something.

These girls are missing out on so much! I love my high school besties and I still see them whenever possible, but what if I'd never met Katie & Eliesa? My life would be very different, and less rich.

Type #2 - The Kleenex

Every time you see this girl she is with a new "bestie." This girl uses people for a brief period, then disposes of them as quickly. She's always running with a new crowd, dating a new boy, dragging a new friend on her overly-accessorized arm. She's in the know and on the scene. This girl absolutely cannot be alone and gets bored with people easily. Spending a night at home is simply not an option.

Why is this girl a problem? Because a girl who can't keep a friend is a girl who doesn't deserve any! Girls like this are catty, selfish and opportunistic. Gentleman - if you ever see a girl that is always with a new friend, never a consistent best friend or group, run. If she can't treat her friends well enough to keep them around, she definitely won't treat you with respect, either.

You will also find this girl ALL over Facebook. She'll have a ridiculous amount of friends (1,000+), 300 different profile pics and each with a different boy or girl, she'll be going to every ALL CAPS FACEBOOK EVENT-ALLOOZA!!!!, and don't be surprised if you see a broken engagement or two.

These girls are so lonely and sad, despite their constant attempts at companionship. They are missing the intimacy that comes with knowing someone so well you can send ugly snapchats and bitchy text complaints with the assurance that they still love you and will always be there for you. How do you live without that? For example, we spent a considerable portion of the night stalking a guy that had recently done some sketchy stuff to one of our friends (Below: Gabi even called his work! LOLZ), and I know those girls would do that for me, too. 

So there you have it, Mitch. When you get home from your mission in 21 months I expect you to fully comply with these guidelines. Find a girl that has great high school and hometown friends that she still sees and loves, but find a girl who also made new friends after high school that she will also stick with. Socially healthy and morally responsible girls take their friendships seriously and treasure them. Good girls are good people, and they are always attracting other good people. Look for someone who values people, new and old, and you'll find someone worthy of your love.

Must Be Morning Sickness!!!! *winks*

Yesterday I wasn't feeling great. By 2nd period I could only stand for a few minutes at a time without dizziness and then I held off my nausea long enough to puke on my prep period. More than one teacher chimed in with the "Sounds like MooOoOOOOrnInG SiiiiiiiCknEsS!!!"

I wanted to answer with a long list of disgusting TMI things to shut them up:

"Oh actually, that's impossible because I'm currently menstruating more heavily than you ever have or ever will menstruate."

"Yeah, it's actually the half bowl of cookie dough and giant burrito I ate at 9 pm last night because I'm an adult."

"Wow Miller Light isn't that Light on the way back up, amirite?!" 

"Jokes on you - I have one of those science fiction birth control plastic rods IN MY ARM. Come here. Feel it. FEEL IT."

{3 out of 4 are true. I'll let you decide which.}

Instead, I responded with a demure "Oh I don't think so. Must be something I ate." I really don't mind too much, and these are my friends. I am not and do not get personally offended when people ask me, as long as you don't say it in front of my baby-hungry family members (now firing from both sides of the family). However, I was left again wondering why anyone thinks its ok to ask/hint/assume pregnancy about anyone. Especially in Utah.

I came up with a helpful reference list of reasons why you shouldn't ever ask, hint or joke about pregnancy:

1. It's none of your damn business. 
2. See #1
3. SOOOOOO many couples (including several of my close friends) struggle with infertility and when you say "So when are you gonna give us some cute little ones?!" or "Man you guys better get on that!" to them OR to anyone in their presence,  you are emotionally stabbing them in the heart. They shed countless tears in private, why would you thoughtlessly assume that it's easy for them and something they should be able to do RIGHT NOW? For the record: we are not trying. Won't be for a while. But I can tell you if infertility is something we deal with - you better shut your mouth around me because I'll give you an earful if you ask me about babies and I can't have them yet. 
4. See #1
5. It's so easy for rumors to get started. "Mrs. Holdaway was throwing up - she must be pregnant." "Did you hear Mrs. Holdaway's pregnant?" "Does that mean she's gonna leave?" "Mrs. Holdaway's gonna leave!" I certainly don't want to be treated differently, positively or negatively just because someone THINKS I'm pregnant. Ideally, yeah, employers wouldn't discriminate against pregnant workers, but I think it does happen sometimes. And when I am pregnant, I don't want my decision to be dictated by others - maybe I'll stay, maybe I'll go. But it's my decision and I want to make and announce it on my own time. 
6. Are you my doctor? No, ok. Oh then go ahead and shut up because it's NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

Sorry I went sailor mode. Apparently I'm passionate about this. I'm protective of my friends dealing with infertility and also a big fan of people staying out of my beeswax.

Please. PLEASE. Just assume people are struggling with fertility and keep your yapper shut. It's better than having to stick your foot in it. I know you mean well. No one thinks you're rude or a jerk - just maybe slightly thoughtless. Be careful. Tread lightly. Love everyone. The end.

Sometimes-Always-Never: Utah Motherhood Trends

So my Happiness Project last week took me through books, pinboards, documentaries and blog posts about all things motherhood: pregnancy, childbirth, infant care and even parenting philosophies. A lot of the material I found was awesome. I'm only mildly terrified now. But there was so much ridiculous stuff that was just... too.... Utah for me. And I'm FROM Utah. I love Utah. But we've got some problems, you guys. So I thought I'd offer some help. Here are my rules for motherhood.

Sometimes

Unique names. My name is DANICA. Sure, it's more mainstream now. But it wasn't 23 years ago. And I love my name. Wouldn't it be boring if the boys were all named Jason and the girls were all named Brittany? (name that movie) HOWEVER. This is a SOMETIMES.

via Pinterest & Buzzfeed

• Follow the rules of freaking phonics. They exist for a reason. Take an English class. 
• If you name all 8 of your kids crazy Utah names I solemnly promise to call them all by the wrong names. "Oh how's Timpanogos doing in day care?" "... Um... it's Tiyara." "No... I'm pretty sure it's Timpanogos."
• NO APOSTROPHES
•  Picking a common name - Kylie, for instance, and spelling it "Kieleiygh" does not make you unique. It makes you hated by teachers, food service industry workers, and anyone else who has to be corrected during the course of your little one's lifetime. 
• I could keep going, but this article hits it out of the park. Read it for an LOL.

That being said - if you have a unique name, especially a family name, that is phonetically non-idiotic and can belong to someone who is 40 and a CEO, good for you. Go for it. 

Post ultrasounds. The Beard is very vocal and opinionated about this. He thinks it's super gross to see the inside of someone's uterus. He thinks it's super inappropriate to post that on something so public like Instagram or Facebook. I don't really care that much. I don't like the super realistic, 3D looking ones that show like eyes and noses and stuff. Yikes. The grainy black-n-whites? Not so concerned. I can never see anything so I don't care. HOWEVER. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS DECENT AND PURE --- DO NOT CIRCLE, OUTLINE OR DRAW AN ARROW TO YOUR BABY'S TINY JUNK. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. Someone in my Insta feed actually did that a few months ago and I was horrified. We believe you. It's a boy. No need to outline his little weeny in bright red. No thank you. You realize that kid is gonna be like 16 one day and that photo is horrifying?

Always

Do what is right for you, and more importantly, your baby. I already had people telling me that I shouldn't drink Diet Coke when I get pregnant. My friend's family was pressuring her into a natural home birth. There is a plethora of information out there. But like I've said before - people have been doing this for hundreds of years and childbirth is a NATURAL thing. My friend, also named Danica incidentally, emailed me and basically said "All your baby really needs is food, diapers and sleep. It's not rocket science." We can do this, even without the internet and library. Make the informed decisions that feel best to you and keep them to yourself. No one should tell you what to do (except maybe medical professionals, probs) and that also means you shouldn't tell anyone else what to do. {Obviously don't smoke or drink or get in physical fights or crap like that. Goes without saying.}

Never

Posting pictures of your naked, stretch-marked belly for everyone to see is gross and weird. I'm so proud of you. It's amazing. It's a miracle. But for pete's sake just keep a shirt on.

Take this photo for example - a couple of things I really like about this

1. Weird orb of a belly. You can't look away. It's like a car wreck. I can't help but picture the baby bursting out Alien-style.
2. Sexual boob cleavage. Classy. Perfect for a maternity shoot.
3. A dainty flower indicating.. well I don't really know. Fertility? Natural childbirth? It's just something for her hands to do instead of constantly stroking the giant belly?
4. Whenever I see a pregnant belly button it makes me think of sausage and that's uncomfortable for everyone. 
5. The only thing we're missing here is the dad doing something really weird like laying his head on the belly or grabbing it weirdly from behind her. Maybe also naked. 

How do you take photos of your baby in such ridiculous situations? Just take NORMAL PHOTOS.

Headbands are so cute on babies. I love them. This is pretty above and beyond. Do we need flapper headbands and YARN WIGS? Too much. Amiright?

All I see here is the baby having an explosive blowout in this bowl of fruit loops and it makes me gag a little in my mouth.


 Can we all agree that these rules are reasonable and will improve society? If you agree please pass along to your pregnant and one-day-pregnant friends so we can take control of this terrifying trend cycle. I know we can make a difference.

Kick the Bucket (List)

During the last couple of weeks of school, while my kids were diligently working on their final projects, I started compiling the perfect summer bucket list. I scoured the internet, recalled past fun summers and searched pinboards.

Unfortunately the summer is 2/3 over, and I haven't even scratched 1/3 of the items. Help?

Some of the items - stargazing, picnic, and camping will hopefully be accomplished this week on a camping trip with the Findeises. I know. I'm as surprised as you are.

I have less than a month to finish off the rest of the list.

• Swimming at the Res
• Provo River Trail (non-raping hours)
• Temple Square
• Hogle Zoo
• Clark Planetarium
• Feed ducks
• Try tennis
• Visit Art Museums
• Free concerts
• Sunrise Yoga
• Tour State Capital
• Try a new temple
• Hike the Y (any takers?)
• Bike Ride
• Burraston Ponds
• Lagoon!
• Midnight food run at the hospital. What's up Oreo shake?!
• Gilgal Sculpture Garden
• Try a crazy new restaurant. I'm thinking ethnic.
• "This is the Place" Monument
• Red Butte Garden
• Drive-in Movie
• Living Planet Aquarium
• Tracy Aviary
• Rock climbing (Ashby's?)
• City Creek
• Keys on Main

Sometimes, Always, Never: Trendy

I'm kind of a late adopter of trends. I firmly believe that waiting through the first wave of a trend makes your fashion decisions much more informed. Instead of running right out and buying the hot new thing at the doorway display at Forever 21, I watch. I see how bloggers, college peers and celebrities wear it.

So here's my inspiration. This last weekend I was in Cedar City at the Shakespearean Festival with my Budge girl family. It's our little girl reunion that we try to do every couple of years. It was awesome. Anyways. My mom and I had some time to kill before the next show so we went shopping. A Downeast Outfitters was having a sidewalk sale with discount bins, so we rifled through them. I have never found anything good in a bin because it's usually ugly stuff or XL-XXL sizes. But then I pulled out something, and lo and behold. Angels sang. 

It was soft.

It was blush pink.

It wasn't XXL. (It is a size too big for me, as you might be able to tell... whatev.)

It was a knee length pencil skirt.

IT WAS PEPLUM.

And it was $10.

What do you guys think?

I've been intrigued by the peplum trend. I think it's so fun and classy.  I've seen bloggers and celebrities wearing it (thankfully no Utahns have ruined it for me. YET.) And I secretly just want to be Emma Stone. I just didn't know how I could do it. I like dressing up. I like looking formal, even if I'm the only one. But peplum? It's too much, right? WRONG.

And now, without further ado, our Sometimes, Always, Never for trying new trends.

SOMETIMES

Try something that seems scary. If it keeps catching your eye, do it. Buy it. Try it. But don't just get something BECAUSE it's trendy. It needs to be something you like.

ALWAYS

Do some research. See how people are wearing it. Type the style into Pinterest and pin some ideas. I love doing that. 

Plan at least one outfit in your head before you buy it. You will regret it if you take it home and can't even make one outfit. 

NEVER

I never buy a trendy item from a big designer or for full price. What if I don't like it? What if it is totally "out" by next season? When oxford shoes were big this last fall, I bought a knockoff pair from Payless for probably $15. It was good purchase, because they look similar to the $70+ Steve Madden pair at Nordstrom (RIP), but guess what? I wore them maybe once a month. That's worth $15 for me. Not $70.  And if you do love the trend? Upgrade.

ONE AT A TIME. Never ever ever combine super trends. Do not wear leggings, gladiators, a statement necklace and chambray all at once. Choose one. This girl looks ok for fashion week, but for the rest of us,  bright peplum + statement tee + shades + beach hair + chandelier earrings + thick ankle strap heels is overdoing it.