It's a Booze Cruise!!

On Tuesday We took a little cruise around the Na'Pali Coast and it was pretty awesome. We did it to celebrate Brookie's 21st birthday!!

The coast has small stretches of pristine beaches and miles of steep black cliffs with spikey spears known has Hawaiian Cathedrals. The volcanic rock makes for some cool snorkeling too. You guys... I was even brave enough to snorkel for like 15 mins!!! There were fish swimming all around me and I kept visualizing phantom sharks in the distance but I survived. 

The really cool part of the cruise was after dinner when everyone was enjoying Mai Tais and beer. Well, everyone except for us obviously. One of the crew came to ask us if we wanted a round. When we said no thanks, she looked around at us. 

"Are you guys all together?" I could see her trying to piece together our group, so I quickly explained and pointed. Mom, Dad, siblings, son-in-law. 

"So you're the mom? All 3 of these kids are yours?" She asked my mom, almost in wonder. 

"Damnnnnnn."

We all laughed and she just shook her head. "No offense! That's hard!"

"It's worth it!" My mom smiled. 

"I'm just impressed," the lady said. "Keeping a family together is hard." 

And I just thought.... No. It really isn't. When you know, as we do, that family is the #1 priority, and ACT LIKE IT, it isn't hard. It's a natural consequence. We've taken precautions and extra time to make sure our family was tight, and though we're far from perfect, we have achieved that goal. 

The conversation turned to where we were from, which turns to how we're Mormon. We were only briefly able to talk with her, but I really hope we left the impression on her of a happy family that has stuck together. 

I really hope she wants that, it resonates with her, and one day those missionaries will knock on her door and she'll get that eternal family and all the blessings that come with it. 

This gospel is pretty awesome and I hey to be with these weirdos forever. 

Sometimes, Always, Never - Vegas the Mormon Way

I remember my first trip to Las Vegas - The lights! The color! The boobs! As a 6 year old I was particularly impressed with the enormous castle - Excalibur.

Even better I remember my single ladies trip to Las Vegas with my bestie Katie, who had never been.

"There is PORNOGRAPHY LINING THE STREETS!"


As a Mormon, Vegas can be a scary place with the boobs, butts and general grossness.  You can't go to clubs, you can't drink, you can't gamble, why even go? I'll tell you how and why YOU can do a Mormon Vegas Vacation.


The Beard and I decided to use an expiring voucher we had for 2 free nights at a Vegas hotel over Spring Break. We haven't been on a trip just the two of us since we've been married (over a year and a half! Thanks a lot Larry H Miller. We don't miss you), so we leaped at the chance.

My parents graciously agreed to watch Glen Coco, although after he marked EVERY territory in their house I doubt they'll have him back. And we were off! (Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks, obvs.)

This is how he likes to ride in the car - wedged between Ryan and the backrest

My Travel/Vacation uniform - black skinnies (Old Navy), gray v-neck (Gap), chambray top (F21), tortoise sunnies (Cotton On) and flipflops (Pac Sun)

Without further ado, here is my Sometimes-Always-Never for a Mormon trip to Las Vegas!

Sometimes

• Try out a piano bar! We went to Napoleon's in the Parisian and saw the dueling piano act. It's free, although they expect you to get drinks. A $3 can of Diet Coke was a bit ridiculous, but the dueling pianos were pretty awesome. They even take requests! Be prepared for a lot of Neil Diamond and people getting stupid drunk
• Walk through hotels/casinos. Even if you don't gamble or aren't staying there, those hotels are amazing! My favorites are the Parisian, New York New York, Caeser's Palace and now the Cosmopolitan! It's new and incredible.
• See a show, but make sure you read some reviews. I've always wanted to see a Cirque show, but I've heard a few of them can be a little racy. Many of the shows in Vegas are, so be selective. 
• Check out the LDS Temple! We didn't have time to drive out to it when we were there and I really wished we could have gone! Next time. :)

 Always

• Walk the Strip. There is no better people watching in the entire world. Pick a small section or marathon through the whole thing. Just walking with no real destination is hilarious, because you'll see yahoos like Bumblebee just chillin'. 

• While you're at it, see the free shows! The Bellagio Fountains, Atlantis inside Caeser's Palace and the pirate show outside Treasure Island.
• Also while you're at it, get some of the limitless candy at the Sugar Factory. That's all I should need to say. 

•  Plan for and try a fancy restaurant. The Beard saw Hash House a Go Go on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (one of our faves) and fell immediately in love with their enormous Chicken n' Waffles, Meatloaf sandwich and more. He's wanted to go ever since, so we planned it into our trip and budget. It made it way more fun than just grabbing a quick, cheap bite somewhere, because we looked forward to it and it was AMAZING. Really. 

• Wear something edgier than you can wear at home because - duh- its Vegas! I went with leather leggings and a skull tee since I can't ever wear those to school. Well, and maintain some degree of respect. :)

It was late. That's my only excuse for this washed out face. 

Did I do my hair at all this trip? It's a vacation. No. 

• Plan for everything to be overpriced. Vegas is where you go to splurge, not save. If you are budgeting, bring your own snacks and drinks for the hotel room.

Never

• Wear heels on the Strip, or when you have no idea what your night will be like. I even wore my trusty, comfy wedges, and I've worn flat boots before, and my dogs were barking before the night was up. 
• Take or look at the fliers and pamphlets being waved in your face. Trust me. Just pretend they don't exist.
• Get a smoking room. Vegas smoking rooms are worse than smoking rooms anywhere else. It's like secondhand-smoke nation up there.
• Stay on the Strip past 1 am. That's when the funny to crazy ratio on the Strip gets really scary.

Pants Me

What am I wearing on Sunday? None of your business. Because it isn't a fashion show.

It isn't a private school with mandatory uniforms.

And it definitely isn't a venue for protest.

Do I care the most miniscule amount if you wear pants to church? No. I don't. And neither does anyone else. Except perhaps the really old school people. But they probably also hate that you use your iPhone for scriptures.

And even they don't want you to wear to wear skirts as a sign of submission. NO ONE DOES.

The idea behind "Sunday Best" is showing the Lord that you are dressing your nicest to dedicate time to worship him. If your nicest attire is a classy pantsuit, awesome. AWESOME. Wear it. Bully for you. No one cares. A lady in my ward used to and literally no one cared.

But pants will never be a sign of equality. Wearing pants is not going to mend this false sense of inequality and insecurity you feel in the Church.

The Church does not treat women unfairly. If anything we are actually shielded and protected from some of the tougher and rougher elements of life and responsibility.

If you feel unequal, I'd start taking a look at the people with whom you surround yourself. I don't doubt that there are men (and women) in your life that may treat you as subordinate or look down on you. Maybe even men in positions of authority in the local church.

But how many times do you need to hear that the Church is perfect but the members are not?

How many times do you need to read Alma & Amulek's sermon to the poor and rejected that weren't allowed to worship they way they wanted? (Thank GOODNESS they didn't have the burden of not wearing pants to deal with! Can you imagine?!)

How many times to I need to write snarky, unChristlike blog posts about these ridiculous Mormon fad groups?!!!!!

I'm wearing my nicest skirt to Church on Sunday. If you hadn't guessed.

Sometimes, Always, Never - To the Max(i) Dress

I was slow to adopt the Maxi trend. They just seemed frumpy to me. They were in garish prints, only sold at skeezy tourist gift shops on cruises and pretty much swallowed everything up. But they sophisticated with time, as all things do (that's what I keep telling myself when I'm looking at these students of mine). Now? Can't get enough. After the ever stylish Eliesa bought a glam maxidress, I followed suit. I impulsively bought a black Hawaiian/floral print tube top maxi at Target and it immediately commandeered my summer wardrobe.

Then this winter I went one step further and decided to try the maxi SKIRT. I was just browsing Old Navy online (like I do every day that ends in -y) and saw their jersey maxi skirts were on sale. I had their knee-length jersey skirts and loved them for their ease and comfort. I clicked "shopping cart." But then I got a little wild. Instead of my comfort food - black - I kept finding my eye attracted to the "wine red" skirt. So I took a gamble. I bought it. Turns out, Danica LOVES wine red. I love that I can rock it with black and gold for a luxe look, gray for easy neutrals, and white/blue nautical stripes for a spring transition.

That's what a great purchase is - something that stretches your wardrobe and makes you want to find new outfit combinations to keep wearing it.

As we approach summer, I encourage you to look into this enduring (and modest. And comfortable. And glamorous) maxi trend. But as always, be tasteful.

SOMETIMES

Dress it up for school, church or a date. The primary function of a maxi is for easy days at the beach, pool, hotel or any other easy-breezy summer activity. It can be worn to more formal places and activities, but you HAVE to dress it up. This means:

• Lose the flip flops and gladiators. Opt for pretty flats, wedges or anything peep-toe. Well, no pumps. That should go without saying. 
• Wear a blouse, blazer or pretty, belted cardigan instead of your basic tank top, tee, or maxi on its own. This says "I meant to do this. I didn't just get here from Seven Peaks."
• Along with that, DO YOUR HAIR. The carefree, beachy mess is awesome. But not if you're trying to pull off a maxi as a real-life, in public outfit. 

ALWAYS

Belt it. If you don't, you're gonna look like a tube of Pringles.

Get one that skims the top of your feet. Any longer and you're gonna look like a wizard.

Just wear it like Sydney. She's always an always.

NEVER

Please. PLEASE. I'm begging you. Stop wearing maxi dresses OVER a tee. No. Don't do it. If it's a tube or spaghetti strap (which most of them are) I get that you need to be modest. More power to you! But get a lightweight linen or cotton cardigan to wear OVER THE MAXI. I wear a short-sleeved, cropped black sweater with mine and it's perfect. No one wants to see your white shade tee underneath that bright pink floral maxi. Come on. 

  

(I realize this is just a tank top, but the same rule applies.)

Everybody is Cake Balling Except for Buster

Cake pops are the fun new trend on the dessert scene, and I'll admit I've been intrigued. Never much of a cake person, something small and bite-sized rather than an enormous slice seemed much more doable. I've never been incredibly crafty, nor have I been mistaken for Betty Crocker. Still, I've been looking for a good reason to make them and finally the opportunity presented itself. Saturday was the Young Women's General Broadcast and our ward did a mother-daughter dinner beforehand. I was divinely assigned treats by our Beehive advisor.

I ventured into the unknown dessert land with a heart full of hope, and I was rewarded. Cake Pops are not that hard. Even Danica can do it. Ryan snapped a few photos as I was making them, but I clearly don't have the photo/blogging prowess to be a real life Mormon Housewife blogger. But here goes. Click here for the exact recipe I used.

Ingredients

1 baked Funfetti Cake (so including the oil, water and eggs, or however you choose to bake it)

1 package of frosting (I used Whipped buttercream flavor)

1 package of Almond Bark

2 tbsp of Shortening

Large Disc sprinkles

First, bake your cake. I did this Friday afternoon.

Next, crumble it up into a bowl. The browner edge-parts may not crumble and look gross, so I left them out.

"WHY DID YOU RUIN THAT CAKE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" - The Beard during this step.

Dump in the frosting and mix well. I poured some small sprinkles in as well, so it looked more "Funfetti-y."

This is (one of) the messy parts. Roll the mixture into small balls and place on a cookie sheet covered in wax paper, parchment paper or aluminum foil. The more spherical and even the balls, the better. Your hands will be covered and gross, by the way.

Freeze. I froze them overnight. This process is a bit long to do all in one day.

On Saturday afternoon (when I woke up.... yikes), I melted the almond bark with the shortening in a small, deep bowl. Melt it for about 1 1/2 minutes, stir, then again for 15 second intervals, stirring in between until it seems well mixed and melted.

This was the hardest part for me. I'm going to find a better way to do it (suggestions?). I used a fork to spear and dip each cake ball into the candy, let the excess candy drip off and placed it on the pan. The hardest part is getting it off the fork without totally screwing up the candy coating on the top. You may need to drip some extra candy melting to cover up the fork punctures. Then I sprinkled the large disc sprinkles on the top while it was still wet.

I placed the finished pans of cake balls into the freezer to set up for about 30 minutes before placing them in a little basket and taking them up to the church for the dinner. Regretfully, I only got a picture of the two "crippled children" or imperfect ones that The Beard wanted to eat. So these have way more around the bottom that I didn't drain off well enough.

But I have to admit, they were delicious. Time-consuming, but fairly easy. And they look oh-so-pretty.

Marriage, or the Death of Dessert Parties

Marriage is awesome. Everyone knows that. But sometimes it's painfully obvious HOW awesome it is when you're thrown back into the single world.

Several weeks ago, I had to run up to campus for a meeting with my BYU Education Program peeps. Being on campus kind of made me sick. Not only was I overwhelmed with the general happy anxiety and well-intentioned stress, but the awful singleness. Also, loads of chaste sexual frustration with the opposite sex. When you're single, you don't realize how much stress your life inherently includes. You have to:

1. Look cute so you can attract someone.

2. Be smart to attract someone/keep your scholarship/appease your parents/avoid misusing your student loans.

3. Be active in the Church to attract someone/appease your parents/be a good Mormon.

4. Make a lot of friends to attract someone/be popular.

5. Learn life skills (i.e. Domestic flourish for girls) to attract someone.

6. Attend every single possible event - dessert parties, ward prayer, FHE, BYUSA activities, sporting events - of course to meet and attract someone.

There's just this intense level of optimistic stress that is absolutely exhausting. Always the anxiety of finding someone to study/eat lunch/walk home with. Always the anxiety of making weekend plans or getting another date. Always the anxiety of trying SOOOOO hard to be the cutest, coolest, most righteous (and sometimes fake-st) version of yourself. And there's that sneaky, invisible element of competition. There is no abundance mentality on a college campus.

Being on campus and walking into the library to say hi to my library peeps brought back emotions, just like hearing a song from a sad time in your life making you cry, or a song from the best night ever making you smile. I remember walking into that library annoyed, too much homework, no sleep, hungry and caffeine-deprived, anxious to get off work and meet up with The Beard. I absorbed by osmosis the stress of everyone rushing to get to class, but trying desperately to look approachable. I observed with disgust the excessive PDA of zoob couples.

After my meeting I met up with my friend Jesslyn- our last chance before she went into the MTC (Anaheim, Spanish). She lives in the Mormon Dating Epicenter, commonly referred to as "South-of-Campus." While driving to her apartment, I saw a group of kids gathering for FHE outside a complex. Girls playfully shoving guys, guys constantly readjusting their wayfarer shades and closing digits with various groups of girls. I especially liked seeing girls all dressed up in their cutest outfits (yeah. We can tell when you spent more than 10 minutes on it).

I truly do not mean to insult or offend. This is just the culture. We have all done it. I've done it. (No, I haven't.)

The Beard and I went to the BYU Football game a few weeks ago. I haven't been since I was a freshman and remembered why. It's all BYU Football zealots and freshmen. The ignorant comments and general stupidity was obnoxious. The Beard even yelled at a guy for being disrespectful towards the other team. His date was embarrassed. No awkward doorstep hug for him tonight. But the best part of the game was our newfound love - Photobombing. Freshmen LOVE taking the "myspace pic" (extending your arm up and out to capture the pic, heads together with a funny/sexy/cute face). We love messing it up. With some pretty impressive investigative work (If I do say so myself), I found THIS little beauty on a girl's non-private Facebook page.

You are welcome.

Though I live in Mapleton and don't attend classes on campus anymore, I never feel to far away thanks to my social media. Here are my favorite "Provo" accounts that help me stay close to my roots:

Mormon Girl Probs - Hilarious twitter account that is disturbingly familiar.

Provo All Star - The male counterpart for Mormon Girl Probs. And the source of all Mormon Girl Probs.

NiceTryZoob - Making fun of the "Peter" zoobs we all know and love.

Seriously, So Blessed - Blog mocking young, married Mormon girls. Horrifyingly accurate. Even if it stopped posting in January.

Seen @ BYU - Fantastic Facebook group for those who appreciate the ridiculous things around BYU.

It's fun to hate on BYU culture and the ridiculous dating world. At times it's hilarious, and at times it's incredibly frustrating. But it's all changed for me now.

The overwhelming take-away is that I'm so grateful I found The Beard. I'm so grateful that I no longer have to go out every night of the week, to every FHE (ok, I never went anyway), on every blind date and "Date Box" encounter (THAT is a great story. Maybe I'll share that one soon. You'll LOL for sure).

I don't have to stress that I'm being what someone's looking for. I don't have to kill myself adjusting my hair, makeup and clothes every day (I still do that sometimes. My choice.). I don't have to figure out who someone wants me to be. I don't have to fake it to make it. Dating is over. I have someone who accepts me for who I am, no matter what. Someone who makes me feel more ME than I've ever been. Someone who is completely happy to sit on a couch with me watching Netflix every night of the week. And that's what love is. Boring comfortable familiarity that you can't get enough of.

See ya later, dating. It's been a treat. But not really.