Sometimes, Always, Never - Vegas the Mormon Way

I remember my first trip to Las Vegas - The lights! The color! The boobs! As a 6 year old I was particularly impressed with the enormous castle - Excalibur.

Even better I remember my single ladies trip to Las Vegas with my bestie Katie, who had never been.

"There is PORNOGRAPHY LINING THE STREETS!"


As a Mormon, Vegas can be a scary place with the boobs, butts and general grossness.  You can't go to clubs, you can't drink, you can't gamble, why even go? I'll tell you how and why YOU can do a Mormon Vegas Vacation.


The Beard and I decided to use an expiring voucher we had for 2 free nights at a Vegas hotel over Spring Break. We haven't been on a trip just the two of us since we've been married (over a year and a half! Thanks a lot Larry H Miller. We don't miss you), so we leaped at the chance.

My parents graciously agreed to watch Glen Coco, although after he marked EVERY territory in their house I doubt they'll have him back. And we were off! (Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks, obvs.)

This is how he likes to ride in the car - wedged between Ryan and the backrest

My Travel/Vacation uniform - black skinnies (Old Navy), gray v-neck (Gap), chambray top (F21), tortoise sunnies (Cotton On) and flipflops (Pac Sun)

Without further ado, here is my Sometimes-Always-Never for a Mormon trip to Las Vegas!

Sometimes

• Try out a piano bar! We went to Napoleon's in the Parisian and saw the dueling piano act. It's free, although they expect you to get drinks. A $3 can of Diet Coke was a bit ridiculous, but the dueling pianos were pretty awesome. They even take requests! Be prepared for a lot of Neil Diamond and people getting stupid drunk
• Walk through hotels/casinos. Even if you don't gamble or aren't staying there, those hotels are amazing! My favorites are the Parisian, New York New York, Caeser's Palace and now the Cosmopolitan! It's new and incredible.
• See a show, but make sure you read some reviews. I've always wanted to see a Cirque show, but I've heard a few of them can be a little racy. Many of the shows in Vegas are, so be selective. 
• Check out the LDS Temple! We didn't have time to drive out to it when we were there and I really wished we could have gone! Next time. :)

 Always

• Walk the Strip. There is no better people watching in the entire world. Pick a small section or marathon through the whole thing. Just walking with no real destination is hilarious, because you'll see yahoos like Bumblebee just chillin'. 

• While you're at it, see the free shows! The Bellagio Fountains, Atlantis inside Caeser's Palace and the pirate show outside Treasure Island.
• Also while you're at it, get some of the limitless candy at the Sugar Factory. That's all I should need to say. 

•  Plan for and try a fancy restaurant. The Beard saw Hash House a Go Go on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (one of our faves) and fell immediately in love with their enormous Chicken n' Waffles, Meatloaf sandwich and more. He's wanted to go ever since, so we planned it into our trip and budget. It made it way more fun than just grabbing a quick, cheap bite somewhere, because we looked forward to it and it was AMAZING. Really. 

• Wear something edgier than you can wear at home because - duh- its Vegas! I went with leather leggings and a skull tee since I can't ever wear those to school. Well, and maintain some degree of respect. :)

It was late. That's my only excuse for this washed out face. 

Did I do my hair at all this trip? It's a vacation. No. 

• Plan for everything to be overpriced. Vegas is where you go to splurge, not save. If you are budgeting, bring your own snacks and drinks for the hotel room.

Never

• Wear heels on the Strip, or when you have no idea what your night will be like. I even wore my trusty, comfy wedges, and I've worn flat boots before, and my dogs were barking before the night was up. 
• Take or look at the fliers and pamphlets being waved in your face. Trust me. Just pretend they don't exist.
• Get a smoking room. Vegas smoking rooms are worse than smoking rooms anywhere else. It's like secondhand-smoke nation up there.
• Stay on the Strip past 1 am. That's when the funny to crazy ratio on the Strip gets really scary.

Book Review/Pizza Night: Batting for the Other Team (Yikes)

Yesterday we went to our first book club meeting (missing the first one due to weather... booooo) and it was so great. I mentioned that I want to join 4 more book clubs and the Beard said, very wisely,

"Book clubs are to you what fantasy baseball is to me!"

And you know what? He's right. So anyone else that wants to start a book club with me - please let's? Email me. I'm totally down.

We read "The Art of Fielding" by Chad Harbach. It's a book about the intertwining lives of various characters at a small university in the midwest - including/surrounding the university's baseball team. I had high hopes when I began the book - it was all about this amazing shortstop Henry Skrimshander. The book is so fun for the first couple hundred pages! But, alas, it cannot last. Tragedy strikes and all of their lives fall into disarray. Heartbreak, death, loneliness, anxiety, depression, and terrible conduct ensues.

You can imagine the Beard's reaction when I tricked him into reading the book "It's about baseball!" only to have the baseball emphasis dwindle and the gay love affair emphasis swell about 200 pages in. Lolzies. Ryan is a homophobe, for all you new readers out there. Also, Ryan is obsessed with baseball and takes it INCREDIBLY SERIOUSLY. So to have his baseball paradise infiltrated with a gay love story - it was kind of the perfect storm.

At dinner we concluded that the story was good and the characters were interesting, but so many sections of the book were just wildly unrealistic and almost designated to become a screenplay. Overall, I would give the book a 7/10. I loved the baseball, the team esprit-de-corps, even the love stories before they fall apart. But the pain and guilt and trauma was too real, too long and too unsatisfying. Try it if you are interested in baseball, gay relationships, the internal personal struggle, or Moby Dick (a huge theme/inspiration in the book).

By far the best part of the book was discussing it at Pizzeria Limone - wow. We've heard great things but man, were we impressed. I got the Viola - a delicious pizza including proscuitto and blackberries. BLACKBERRIES!

We took the Trax because we take the Trax literally anytime we are able because we're obsessed with it. Can't wait until the Draper station opens up in August because it's seriously 3 minutes from our house. Yahtzee.

 

Shirt: AE, Skirt: Banana Republic, Boots: Forever Young, Bag: Coach, Coat: Old Navy

 

On the train home, while we were still in downtown SLC two kids climbed onto the train. They were probably about 13 or 14 and were very rowdy. The Beard was convinced they were high, although when I deny things like that I have to accept that I have never been good at noticing those things. They were bugging passengers, giggling furiously, swearing, and just generally being teen messes.

It was after 9 pm. On a Monday night. Downtown SLC. These boys were just riding the Trax around for fun, according to their conversation. And everyone just rolled their eyes at these little punks.

But I couldn't. It hit me in the heart. These were just like so many of my students. And they WERE freaking annoying. But what is your life like if riding around on Trax at 9 pm on Monday nights in downtown semi-sketchy SLC is better than being home? I just felt so responsible and sad for them.

You can take Danica out of her classroom, but I guess you can't take the classroom out of Danica.

Make good choices, sketchy Trax boys! Somewhere a random History teacher is thinking about you in a non-creepy way!

It Takes One to Know One

So this last week I've kind of felt like the lady in the white shirt.


Still hanging in there guys, don't you worry. But if anyone wants to send me additional YouTube videos or go get cupcakes with me, I'm not saying I couldn't use it. Two 4-day weeks with a 4 day weekend is definitely helping. Do you know how much cuddling I've done with Glen Coco? The limit does not exist.

So on Saturday we went on a classy double date with the in-laws. Tsunami off 106th is our new joint. It used to be Sammy's back in the day (no, really. It was OUR place. Check their Facebook pic.), but now the waiters know us here. Seriously the sushi is amazing.

We also took them to Pirate-O's, which made me super nostalgic about when I was in the U.K. two summers ago. Man I want to travel again.

Finally, we took them to Scheels since they had never been. We love Scheels: athletic gear, clothes and American Presidents? Yahtzee.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about what happens when I see other girls and their style out and about. I often wonder if I'm the only one that does this.

I'm obvs super judgy about bad outfits. Mostly just things that are in bad taste - ill-fitting, immodest, dirty, bad condition, Uggs, etc. But it doesn't make me necessarily dislike the person. It's more of a "Oh honey. Let me come over and rake your closet." Condescending and judgmental still, I know.

However, when I see a girl with great style, I am not filled with jealousy or even envy (maybe a little if she's got a really expensive bag or shoes). I see that girl with great style and think "All right girlfriend. I'd like to be your friend. We'll get along."

So at Scheels the other night, I see a girl wearing a very cute military-style red coat with semi-ruffly peplum along the bottom. I motioned to my mother-in-law and said "I love her coat!" then turned my back and kept walking.

My mother-in-law caught up with me in a few seconds, laughing. "After you walked off that girl sure gave you a look!" Apparently this girl, after seeing me smile and point out her coat, maybe even hearing me say I liked it, looked me up and down with disdain.

Ok I was starting to feel the effects of the flu that now has me huddled like a fetus near my baby fireplace. But please girlfriend. Try not to be so obvious when you judge other people. I can at least hide it, so you better practice. Maybe you could practice in the mirror wearing your cheap mid-calf boots. They are fodder enough for acidic stares.