But He Kissed Me Anyway

I've written several times about the long, low-key, behind-the-scenes nature of my courtship with The Beard - most of it occurred after midnight, after our friends went home, in our cars talking until the sun came up.

Earlier this month I posted my October Bucket list, and that list includes watching a scary movie, NOT with the Beard, who HATES scary movies. It got me thinking about this story - the first night The Beard and I hung out one-on-one, the first night we kissed, and how I learned that he hates scary movies.

It was a snowy Friday in mid-December, and The Beard was working playing music at the Sky Lodge Bar in Park City. My parents were out of town, so I was staying at their house and chillin with Blade for the weekend. We'd been hanging out pretty consistently and texted about hanging out that weekend. I was pretty excited about hanging out with him one-on-one, even if he didn't get done playing the bar until midnight. So, of course, I was pleasantly surprised when he texted me for my parent's address.

Here comes the scandalous part: He showed up at my parent's house AFTER MIDNIGHT, we were unsupervised, and he didn't leave until about 5:30 am. Sorry Honor Code! You guys need to make sure no rival football teams get a hold of this information.

As usual I was taking advantage of my parent's 500 dish channels when The Beard arrived. We sat on the couch talking as I finished up the last of "The Others" (the first scary movie I ever saw in theaters as a tender young 14 year old). After that I found "The Strangers" which is pretty awesome if you're into serial killer/slasher/suspense flicks like I am. I didn't think anything of it, because I love scary movies, and we were talking over it anyway.

We were talking, laughing and telling stories and then the most miraculous thing happened - I looked down and we were holding hands FOR THE FIRST TIME. Turns out The Beard has some of the smoothest moves ever. It was so natural and normal I didn't even notice.

Finally around 5 am I started falling asleep to Poltergeist, and The Beard said he should probably go home. He kissed me for the first time and obvs it was pretty awesome. Awesome enough to block out the cheesy 80s screaming in the background. Romance at its finest.

It wasn't until a few months later when I suggested we watch Paranormal Activity that he said:

"You know, I really don't like scary movies."

"Yes you do! Remember that night at my parent's house? We watched scary movies all night! And then you kissed me! Remember? It was awesome!"

"No. I remember you making me wait through 3 scary movies so I could kiss you and go home."

Lolz. Thanks for waiting, Beard. I hope it was worth it.

In related news, if anyone wants to suggest or come watch scary movies with me - I won't make you stay till 5 am and kiss me.

I Can't Believe I'm Defending Twilight

I recently wrote about The Beard and I fighting over music. Another argument we often have, more good-naturedly (?) than our music arguments, is about our favorite series - LOTR for The Beard and obvs Harry Potter for me. Neither of us have read the other's favorite series, but we have watched the movies several times and enjoy it.

{I DID read The Hobbit and liked it, and I've tried to read LOTR like 10x but I just can't get past Rivendell. One day. One day. And The Beard and I have listened to 1-4.5 of the HP audiobooks on drives to St. George. Compromise}

Our arguments are usually just joking - "Harry Potter has more applicable and meaningful life & moral lessons. They aren't just kids books. They are adult books that also can be for kids. You learn something new about them and YOURSELF every time you read them!!!!" vs. "LOTR is an allegory and it's just so deep and noble and blah blah" I don't really listen that closely because at that point I'm usually crying about Dobby the second I hear the word "noble."

We usually never even talk about Twilight, because why? The Beard, like all men, hates Twilight. This Oatmeal video accurately sums up his ideas.


Last night we started arguing about it, even though I don't feel that strongly about them. Did I like Twilight? Not really. I enjoyed the first book and hated each one more and more after that. Are they groundbreaking? No. Should they define our generation? Hell no. But would I stop my children from reading them? Absolutely not. And here's why.

"These books are pointless and STUPID."

Yeah, so? If kids are excited about reading something that isn't 50 Shades of Gray or Halo cheat codes, we should be psyched about that. It's not Shakespeare. But it's something. Just read.

"It is PORNOGRAPHY for WOMEN."

Really? REALLY? Is it? It encourages waiting until marriage for intimacy and its pretty low-key when intimacy is involved. Sure, it's charged and emotional. But it is NOT pornography. You know what IS pornography for women? Trashy romance novels with half naked women and shirtless men on the covers that explicitly describes sexual encounters. Shut your stupid mouth you idiot.

Which brings me to my strongest, most angry argument.

"It just gives girls unreasonable expectations!"

I'm sorry - do you think they expect handsome vampires to show up and fall in love with them? Oh you think that the RELATIONSHIP is unreasonable, I see. Which part? The part where the man respects the woman? The part where the man protects the woman? The part where the man doesn't push a physical relationship? The part where the man is unselfish and puts the woman first?

Yes, Bella is worthless. Yes, Edward's dedication, selflessness and perfection is unrealistic.

I believe that if we're going to rank fictional characters to model our ideal men after we should DEFINITELY be going for a Neville Longbottom over an Edward Cullen. 

But if there's something that attracts females to these books that they can learn from, it's certainly the idea that women should expect respect and care from a male suitor. I see so many girls - students, friends, acquaintances, randoms in a restaurant - with complete DOUCHEBAGS that treat them TERRIBLY.

If all we take away from Twilight is that love should be happy, mutual, selfless and safe - then that's a lesson plenty of women in this world need to learn.

But make sure you read all the Harry Potters first. They have better lessons. And I hear LOTR has some good lessons too. :)

2 Years and Code Red

Two Years!!! It's like a marriage mission. How quickly went by gives me hope that the next two (while Mitch is gone) will go by just as quickly!

 

Yesterday we were at the Holdaway's for Sunday dinner and envelope stuffing (3 weeks until Haley & Chris tie the knot!), and we got talking about when The Beard and I were pre-dating.

Pre-dating: adj. stage of romantic interest, basically dating, often unofficial or secret.

The Beard was very secretive about me and I was in Wales at the time, so no one knew about me except a few of his closest friends. The night his family found out about me contains one of the best Ryan/Danica stories of all time. So the Beard went through his email and found the email he sent me that night to give me a good laugh - enjoy!

=====

Remember how I mentioned that the family found out you exist last
night? {We were talking on gchat when Haley came down to get him for dinner} I'll recap how this went down:

Haley: so who was that on the phone?
Ryan: don't know what you're talking about.
Haley: yes you do. That girl. Who was that girl.
Ryan: you're crazy. There was no girl. Please pass the lemonade.


......


Mom: so Ryan. Seriously. Lets talk about your dating life. Obviously
you don't have a girlfriend. Are you dating? Is there any girls in
your life? What's up?

Haley: well he was on the phone with a girl earlier and won't tell me
anything about it

Mom: who was it? Fess up!

Ryan: well... Actually... There kind of is someone. But she's in the
UK right now.

Mom: wait. Manchester, England?

Ryan: Near there. Yes.

Dad: oh my hell. We aren't going down THAT road again are we. {Reference to a crazy ex-girlfriend serving her mission in Manchester at the time}

Mom: she's not a Ginger is she?

Ryan: nope. She's a blonde.

Mom: she's not high maintenance is she?

Ryan: nope. She's cool. All my frens really like here

Haley: uh oh. CB?

Mom. What's CB?

Ryan: actually no. They've been cool
About it. And don't worry about it.

Mom. What's her name? Where does
She work? Does she want lots of grandbabies?

Ryan: this conversation is over.

So. Then tonight I was sitting in the living room facetiming with Tom
and the whole fam walked in. Tom and I had been talking about how Todd
has a girlfriend now and Tom said "you TOTALLY need to date Danica
this fall so we can go on triple dates broooo!" (we may or may not
have talked about you a few minutes earlier). Anywho at that point my
mom walks around the corner and says "Oh. Are we talking about Danica
Anne Budge? She went to Stonehenge. She has a blog. She went to the
pride and prejudice house and acted out the wedding scene!..."

Needless to say I hung up on Tom and. Freaked. Out.

Just so you know. My mom has now facebook stalked you extensively and
may or may not try to contact you. I apologize in advance.

PS. That profile pic of you at Stonehenge was a dead giveaway.

=========

Pretty good right?  Hard to top that. That was 3 years ago. When I got home a few weeks later, we started officially dating. I finally met Kitty (my mother-in-law) and the whole gang in November. We were engaged in May, married in July and here we are 2 years later. Our marriage is continually improving and we still love sitting on the couch and watching Netflix for hours and making fun of people on the internet together.

Here's to many more. :)

How Sirius XM Saved Our Marriage

Marriage is Compromise. Words we all say and nod emphatically to, until we are actually faced with it. Compromise. The dirty word. Because no one REALLY wants to compromise.

Music is something that I thought The Beard and I agreed on while we were dating. We had Journey, Jay-Z and BSB singalongs in the car, and he'd give me approving nods & grins when my ipod shuffled to Reel Big Fish or Arcade Fire.

Once we got married, we spent a lot more time driving around in the car. It quickly became apparent that the common ground we thought we had in the musical arena was skinnier than we thought. The Beard only wanted to listen to country and sad hipster crap folk music. I wanted to listen to a wide variety of pop, alt rock and techno - aka "GARBAGE" to The Beard.

We had legitimate fights over Bob Dylan and Lady Gaga. Like real, hurt feelings fights. Do I think that Lady Gaga is a musical genius and her art is the voice of our generation? Absolutely not. She's a crazy person and terribly autotuned.  Do I reserve the right to listen to her when I want to get all pumped up and crunk for the party I'm headed to? YESSSSSSSSS. I super do.

On the other hand, do I absolutely HAVE to listen to raspy, untalented alcoholic white men cry-sing breakup lyrics over metallic-y acoustic guitar like some emo hipster in high waisted cords and vintage floral grandma sweaters? Please, no. PLEASENOOOOO.

It was a dark time in Holdaway History. Enter Sirius XM.

We no longer argue Joshua James v. Jessie J.

We listen to 80s on 8 and The Beard turns into Prince reincarnate.

We listen to 90s on 9 and do all the moves to "Bye, Bye, Bye." You guys still know them too.



We hold hands and skip into the sunset because we never have to fight over music again.

We got 99 problems but our tunes ain't one.

My Happiness Project: Week One

For the first week of my project (last week, July 1-7), I picked two things I wanted to create good habits with, then to continue them throughout the rest of my weeks. And forever, obviously.

I felt I kind of HAD to pick "Home," since I'd be moving, unpacking and settling into a new home. 

Naturally, I picked "Marriage" as my second area, because my marriage is my most valued possession. It's so easy to take it for granted, but I don't want to.

So here was my game plan/results:

Home

- Get COMPLETELY unpacked and settled (last time we moved I was still waiting to hang stuff and unpack some things when we moved out. Yikes.)
----> I don't have everything hung, and I'm still moving things around in my pantry and from cabinet to cabinet based on my mood, but I did pretty good!

- It's the little things: close cabinets & drawers, keep closet & pantry doors shut, keep clutter off the coffee table
----> Still working on this through the clutter, but I'm making a conscious effort to scan a room when I leave it and just tidy up a tiny bit - close the doors, turn off the lights, put things back. It makes a difference.

- Don't put anything off that takes less than a minute to do. I unabashedly stole this one from The Happiness Project because it just stuck with me so easily. It just makes sense and it's simple.
----> I actually wrapped up and put my curling iron away you guys. I'm serious.

Marriage

- Pray together before bed. I know. Pathetic that we didn't already do this. We had such different schedules for most of our marriage so far, that we didn't always go to bed at the same time. Now we do, and I wanted to make this a habit.
----> This has made the single biggest difference of anything I've ever tried to do to improve my marriage. Wow. We take turns praying aloud each night and it really is amazing. It means I'm not making to-do lists in my head mid-silent prayer, not falling asleep, not forgetting things I wanted to pray for/about. And it's really made me feel like we're on the same team after a crazy freaking 2 months of chaos.

- Stop criticizing. I'm the worst. Even just little things like "You never take out the trash" said in passing. Where is that getting either of us? No where. So why do I do it? Because I'm the worst. If it helps, I'm also super mean-critical of myself pretty much every second of the day. Doesn't help? Ok.
----> I'm working on making requests, not criticisms or demands. Like "Hey could you please take the trash out after this inning? You are my favorite. Thank you."

- Learn our Love Languages. I'm a big believer in love languages, so I re-read the book this week. It was really interesting to see how different it was from when I read it 2 years ago when we were newly engaged.
----> The Beard is a big quality time language guy. He loves it when I make time to just watch a baseball game or a movie with him, no Pinterest, no books, just cuddles. As a chronic multi-tasker, it doesn't always come naturally. But I'm working on it!
----> I'm an Acts of Service girl. It really means the most to me when he does things that I know he doesn't want to do. He thinks this means what I really love is torturing him. So we're working on that. (GOING TO MOVIES ISN'T TORTURE, RYAN)

- Family Counsel. We sit down, talk about where we're at, how we're doing, what we're worried about, what we need to work on and make a plan. We used to do it a lot when we were first married, and it kind of trickled off, I guess. Welcome back, marriage DTR!!!!
----> We did it! We even took notes and made lists and goals with due dates! We also decided on a family motto - "Do More." Good, right?! We recognized that laziness is so tempting to us, we need to fight it actively.

Overall, I'm pretty pumped after week one. It was a good, doable week and I feel refreshed and happy. The tough part will be continuing with these resolutions as I add new ones each week.

Creep Central

No, this post isn't about another creepy BYU date. Sorry. Maybe I'll dish out a few more of those soon.

This is about the creepiest thing about me, Danica Anne.

Most of you probably know I'm a geek right? I own more Star Wars paraphernalia than your average citizen. The guy at Gold's Gym actually referred to me as "Star Wars Girl" on Monday because I'm always wearing a Star Wars shirt to the gym. I was flattered.

Many of you know that I like gore and violence - of the zombie flavor in particular. Walking Dead, World War Z, Quarantine, Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, etc.

But I have a love/obsession even worse than these. Definitely the creepiest thing about me.

Since high school I've been in love with the Thomas Harris "Hannibal" series. Yes, the one with the cannibal serial killer. The more popular movies (Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Manhunter/Red Dragon/Hannibal Rising) were based on his amazing books - which I've read many times.(I own them all if anyone is interested in reading them with me?.. no? .... no one?)

Obviously I wouldn't say I LOVE the cannibalism. I could definitely live without it. That's not what I'm there for. I love the mystery and suspense, the crime drama, the psychological elements. I love the characterization and how Dr. Hannibal Lecter becomes almost a protagonist.  I love the philosophical questions the books pose about what is "good" and the struggle to develop and follow a personal moral compass.

I love them. I love these books and movies. I love the story. I have an entire playlist dedicated to it. I've read a disgusting amount of fan fiction.

So I was beyond stoked to see that NBC has picked up a pilot season of the show Hannibal - about the relationship between Hannibal and famed detective Will Graham. This will fill the open space between the end of Hannibal Rising and the flashbacks in Red Dragon of Will catching Hannibal.

Here is the problem. The Beard is somehow morally opposed to violent films about cannibalism. He's adopted The Office, Star Wars, Harry Potter and even Star Trek. But he draws the line at Hannibal. I think it's pretty rude.

What I'm trying to say here is that the Beard needs a hobby that gets him out of the house for an hour or two each weeks so I can watch my creepy, morally objectionable TV show. Someone needs to start some sort of Fantasy Baseball Anonymous meetings or weekly Starcraft practice.

I'm also looking for best supporting actors in the role of Danica's Creepy Friend Who Watches Hannibal. And Maybe Reads the Books, Too.

Any takers?

I Knew Going to FHE was a Bad Idea.

This is a story about when I realized that the Beard was IT. I thought it apropos since it's Valentine's week and all. **Incidentally it is also the story of one of the worst dates I've ever been on.**

Background

The Beard and I met in August 2009. We started hanging out in October and kissed in December. It was still really casual and cautious, and in March we both decided independently to be gone for the summer - Ryan in Arizona and me in England. We hung out more and more in April, realizing we really liked each other in the face of departure.

A week after we first met - the night he got my digits. Epic. 

The night before he left for Arizona, at the end of April, we had a really good talk about our expectations for the summer. We weren't even bf/gf at that point, so doing the long distance thing was clearly out of the question. The Beard was a bit of a commitment-phobe at the time and I had reservations about that. I also knew that he was going down there with his single dude posse, and that there would undoubtedly be  just scores of hot Arizona girls to occupy their limited down time.

As for me, this was the first summer that I didn't take classes and two months before I left. I was incredibly excited about have a "real" summer and though I really liked Ryan, I wasn't going to waste my summer stressing about a boy that wasn't here.

So we decided to have an awesome summer, stay in touch if we wanted to, and see what September brought back, with equal parts hope and pessimism.

FHE/DATE MARKET

Ryan left on a Sunday. Monday I got up, went to work, and had a very regular day. No tears, no sadness. I was pretty sure Ryan was going to forget about me and I can't STAND feeling clingy. I just decided to get over it, expect nothing, have fun and not even think about him. There were new adventures ahead.

When I got home, my cute roommate Natalie was getting ready for FHE and invited me to come. I LOLed a little.

Fun Fact About Danica: HATES Singles Wards. Hates FHE. I was semi inactive while in college, because I hated going to church so bad. I went to every farewell in Springville/Mapleton, went to my home ward often, and left early from my singles ward all the time.

Still. I was committed to meeting new people and having a blast this summer, so I went. Big mistake. I don't remember what we did, but we sat down in the big circle of chairs and instantly some boys came over to talk to us. I looked up and was instantly drawn to one of the guys, who saw me looking and walked toward me, smiling.

"Wow." I thought. "They really were right about singles wards. I am having a Taylor Swift moment with a guy I've never met. All because of FHE."

He sits down next to me, we exchange names and small talk, and then the Bishop gets up to start the lesson/activity/whatever we were doing. We quiet down. I was trying to be as charming as possible, obviously.

My mind is going a mile a minute. "What was that connection? Did he feel it? Don't get ahead of yourself, Crazy, he could have a girlfriend. Could I even date someone in my ward? That's an awkward story to tell our kids we met in a singles ward." Don't act like you haven't done this embarrassing thought train route before.

But then I started to notice all my judgy little things. "That's weird... why would I be attracted to a guy in construction-style dirty boots? Wait a minute. Those are Bugle Boy jeans. His hat is camouflage. What. What. What."

Let me be clear. I have no issue with many of those observations. It's just not my type. I was starting to question my mental health. Then he started talking again.

"Do you like Mexican food? I need a date for this week and I'd sure like to get some Cafe Rio!"

How did I not notice his hick accent before? And did he really just ask me out within 5 minutes of knowing me? I even thought I was attracted to this guy. I'm going crazy. I must be.

I accepted, because I will always accept a first date. Always. Any single girl who doesn't is a B*TCH. Who do you think you are, turning down a guy who worked up the courage to compliment you with a date?

As we left FHE, I'm in this weird shock. What just happened? I thought I had a legitimate connection with this guy. Am I crazy? He's 0% my type. The more I talked to him, the less I liked him.

Plus he was clearly fresh off his mission - he brought it up like 100 times and asked what my favorite scripture was. All the more apparent during our date... dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnnn...

THE DATE

The next morning he sent me a very next follow-up text. With one too many winky-faces. How many you ask? One. I'm mean. I know he was just trying to be nice. But a winky face is always creepy.

Two days later, he would pick me up 20 minutes early for our date (WORSE THAN BEING LATE) and proceed to offer a prayer over our Cafe Rio meal in the middle of the restaurant. Yes.  As always at Cafe Rio, there were no less than 10 people I knew there, watching. No that I'm ashamed of praying. I pray. Oh, do I pray. But am I wrong in thinking that maybe in the middle of Cafe Rio on a first date might not be the appropriate time/place for a verbal prayer? Regardless, I bowed my head and prayed with him.

The REALIZATION

After dinner, I politely declined his offer to watch a movie at his place. It seemed weird at 6 pm on a Wednesday night. Also he probably only watched the Living Scriptures, and man, sometimes Laman and Lemuel are just too much for me, you know?

I walked back into my apartment is disbelief. What a dismal date from such optimistic beginnings. 

So what was going on? What did it mean?!!!!

At that precise moment of confusion, my other roommate, Becca, walks up. I told her I just went on a date with that kid from FHE.

"WHAT? That guy talking your ear off all night? He totally reminded me of Ryan! He looks so much like him!"



........


Well.



There it is.

He had Ryan's same color and shape of eyes.  Brown hair. Big football guy build.

Bingo.

So I'm not gonna say that was the moment I gave up dating, because I went out with a handful of guys in those two months before England. But it was.

Cafe Rio prayer guy reminded me that there was no one quite like Ryan, and that I wanted to see where that went. I'm really glad the Beard felt the same way and spent his summer texting me between houses.

Because it went here.

Dating for Dummies: Married Edition

We had the best date night last Monday. So great that it made us realize how lame we normally are with our date nights. We do really easy, comfortable, familiar things usually. At least we are good about having a "date night" once a week, I guess.

Anyway. If you're like us and need to spruce up the ol' date night, we somehow succeeded. Here are the key elements, as I see it.

Plan it in advance. Think back to your days of "Planned, Paired Off and Paid For." Even if it's simple, a little planning and scheduling in advance is the best. It's something to put on the calendar and look forward to. 

(The Beard got tickets to this Jazz game in the Larry H. Miller Suite a few weeks ago. So fun.)

Make the transportation part of your date - whether that's taking a scenic route, parking and walking a few blocks to your restaurant, or listening to specific music in the car makes that time more memorable.

(We took the Trax from Sandy to Downtown - neither of us being big Trax users. Best people watching of all time. We also did a Backstreet Boys singalong on the way home, but that's pretty normal.)

Do something new, like a restaurant you've never tried or a store you've never been in.

(Z'Tejas was a last minute decision but the giant bowl of guacamole made right at our table was the highlight of my night. It's rare that I can weasel the Beard out of Italian and into Mexican food, so when it's yummy I rub it in.)

Positive Conversation is where it's at. Focus on things you love, things you're excited for and retelling old stories. 

(We have been trying so hard to not complain about our jobs, and it's paying off. We talked about our families, Christmas plans, single girls to set our single guys up with, and of course Glen Coco.)

And finally, the best discovery I made was actually an unfortunate accident. 

And the reason I have no pictures. Not even of my outfit. I wore a Star Wars graphic tee, blazer, cropped pants and leopard studded loafers. Definitely outfit-post worthy, but we missed it. Just imagine it, would you? Here's my outfit today anyways. Not as cute. Much more teacher-y. But I finally got a polka dot sweater! Blogger win!

Puppy: Heaven, sweater: Forever 21, chambray shirt: Old Navy, pants: Gap, boots: Forever Young

Turn your phone off, leave it in the car, silent mode, whatever you need to do. You become so much more mentally present and engaged when your phone/Twitter/Instagram isn't buzzing in the back of your mind.

At first I was bummed that I couldn't post a pic and live tweet the game, but it only lasted about a minute. Once I realized I didn't have to check my phone constantly and could give the Beard my full attention, the night just took off. 

I realized that THAT is what a date truly is. Devoting your attention to one person for a few hours to show them you care and really want to know them. After 7 years of dating you would think I'd have figured that out by now.

Well I've figured it out now. And I'm super excited for more phone-less dates with that bearded guy I like.

A Non-Gushy Anniversary Post (You're Welcome)

Today is our 1 year anniversary. This time last year we were cutting the cake, throwing my bouquet, retrieving my garter, cramming into the photobooth with my cousins and sucking down Diet Coke between hugs. The best day of my life.

I'm not going to post the million reasons why I love the Beard. Believe it or not, we talk in person regularly, so we actually share that with one another. The internet doesn't really care.

We are going on a small getaway trip next week, so we just spent our anniversary very low key - attending our new AWESOME ward, watching baseball and making delicious fajitas. A very Holdaway Sunday.

I'm just sharing how amazing temple marriage can be. I feel so safe, happy and reassured that the Beard and I have done everything right and now we can be together forever. Hey, if we made it through the first year, we're good to go, right? That's what they say, anyways. :)

My Little "Bro"-ny

When you get married and move in with someone, there is a learning curve. Not only do you need to learn to schedule sleeping, showering, eating, laundry, and all those basic life things, but you also learn all of the weird little things that are part of your spouse's identity. Often these things weren't super obvious when you were dating. SURPRISE.

For Ryan, I imagine he had to get used to the way I spaz run/yell when I realize I'm running late or excited, my enthusiastic Just Dance every day after school, and how vital it is that I never get cold. I turn into the White Witch.

For me, I would have never guessed I would ever know so much about the online gaming community. I knew The Beard played StarCraft when we dated, but usually he did that after he got home from hanging out with me. Once we were married and living together, it became part of my life too. I can now proudly say that I know the entire timeline of Blizzard Games, I've played League of Legends (and I'm terrible at it) and I understand the legacy of Tassadar.

But here's the most disturbing thing. My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic. Yes. You read that right. Apparently, and I still can't explain this, the active demographic of viewers for this show are males age 15-35. Gamers.

Does this make sense to anyone? No. Because it's inexplicable. Before you ask me, no, there aren't any sexual innuendos, secret meanings, coded messages, etc. It's a real cartoon aimed at little girls. But somehow these men started watching it and love it.

They fondly refer to themselves as "Bronies."

I watched part of an episode on Netflix with the Beard on Saturday. It's a pretty cute show, all about the magic of friendship, being nice, being yourself and all that jazz. Still, though, I don't understand why these Bronies keep watching it and more importantly, HOW IN THE WORLD DID THEY START WATCHING IT?



This is a real thing, you guys. I don't understand it. I can't explain it. But I love The Beard. Even if he watches little girl cartoons. I watch 60s Star Trek and love Hannibal the Cannibal, so I guess I can't talk...

Summer Fever

Each day gets more and more beautiful. Each day the kids get more and more antsy. Each day we count down the remaining number of days that they'll have their butts in my seats.

Summer is so close I can almost taste it. Well, I can taste it. I have been having grapefruit for breakfast every day and it just feels so summery. I am pulling out my wedges and flouncy skirts. My gladiators beg me to wear them each morning.

Last night was warm and gorgeous. We took advantage of a beautiful evening drive and the 1/2 off Sonic shakes after 8 pm. We hit the swings at Mapleton Park and just enjoyed the warm air and cricket soundtrack.

As I posted about my outfit planning earlier this week, I thought I might try some outfit pics. The Beard laughed and laughed and made fun of me, but we had a great time.

Warm summer nights with my best friend? Marriage is the best.

Sometimes, Always, Never - PDA

I think we can safely say that it is actually spring, and LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

I have come to a horrifying conclusion: PDA is much more tolerable at the Junior High than at BYU. Why? Why is this the case? Young kids are supposed to be passionate and lack judgement. Adults are supposed to be mature and in control of their emotions. I have a few theories.

1. BYU kids have never had boyfriends/girlfriends before ("I DON'T DATE NONMEMBERS...") so this new and fun kissing thing is simply irresistable.
2. College kids treat campus like their home - sleeping everwhere, eating anywhere, walking around in sweats and Uggs with no shame, so why wouldn't they suck face in the SWKT quad?
3. In the frenzied married culture of BYU makes having a significant other an extreme social triumph. They feel so proud and also terrified that it may be temporary, so they try their hardest to prove it to themselves and others.
4. At the Junior High, the weird and nerdy kids are still afraid of the opposite sex, so they aren't the ones participating in PDA. Not the case at BYU. It tends to be ONLY the weird, unfortunate-looking kids. Shoot me in the face before I see two Engineering students clearly using tongue for the first time.

It makes me want to do this. Click it. It's the best PDA video I've ever seen.

Also, maybe we should issue some of these.

Let's lay down some groundrules, shall we?

SOMETIMES

I hate seeing people kiss in public. But now being married I guess I get it more. Smooching should only be used if you are saying goodbye for the day. It should be brief, hands-free and ONLY a peck. Also, you don't need to kiss goodbye before every class. You just don't.

Hand-holding. Only acceptable if you are walking around with your significant other. BYU students love to do this thing where they hold hands during class or while they're eating or across the table at the library. WTF? Really? Are they going to disappear the moment you stop touching them?

ALWAYS

I have never minded the hug. I hug. I'm not a "huggy" person, but I hug. Keep it short and sweet, and it's a great way to say hello and goodbye. Hug away my friends.

Cheek smooching. I've always thought this was incredibly classy.

Also, forehead smooching. It's so sweet.

NEVER

This is going to be a long list, so try to keep up.

Multiple kisses.

Making out.

Tongue.

For the love of all that is good, STOP MAKING GOOGLY EYES.

Bum-goosing. Also known as bum-cooching, spanking, squeezing. Sorry I just used all those words.

Winking. I think we can all agree we're crossing over into sex offender territory here.

Cuddling. Why are you spooning in Brigham Square? Whyyyyyyy?

Caressing in any form. This includes cheek stroking.

Did I miss any? What crazy PDA have you seen? Is UVU as bad as BYU? I sure hope not.

How Getting Married Solved All My Thanksgiving Problems

There's no better time than the holidays to engage in awkward personal conversations under the pretenses of "love and concern." Though us Mormons don't get plastered and act inappropriately, we find ways to compensate. In addition to awkward conversation, I've found that large amounts of stress somehow find their way to me in the kitchen.

The solution to all of this? Marriage. Sorry @MormonGirlProbs. But it's just another thing to look forward to, right?

The first advantage I noted was the limited amount of time I had to spend in the kitchen. Usually, I would come home Wednesday night and spend that time and all day Thursday cleaning, prepping and escalating the stress in general just by virtue of my presence. Not this year. I showed up a little early to help (still dealing with inevitable stress and basic paranoia). I even got to bring something!

Secret Danica Holdaway fact: Hates pumpkin, banana cream and coconut cream pies. All the traditional Thanksgiving desserts. So I brought a dessert that I actually liked - Caramel Apple Cheesecakes. Thank you Pinterest.

During dinner, the second advantage became apparent. No longer was I forced to bear questions of "So, are you dating?" "I heard whats-her-name is getting married..." "You're turning 21, have you thought about a mission?" Even the harmless and less awkward school/BYU questions are dropped when you get married. And for the time being we're young and newly-married enough to preempt the pregnancy questions. So cheers!

Clean up? See ya later! We now get to duck out of one dinner before clean up and arrive at the other conveniently AFTER clean up. Yahtzee.

Since we got engaged I've greatly appreciated the doubled family. It's great to get to see both of them. We're so lucky to have them both close. But on Thanksgiving, not only do we enjoy the company of two families, but the delicious desserts of each. The best of both worlds, if you will.

Goodbyes Are Such B*tches, You Guys.

I don't know who decided to fill my dream summer with bittersweet moments, but it wasn't me. And don't start into the whole "You can't have the bitter without the sweet." I know. I get it. But still. I spent a decent amount of my summer saying goodbye to things I loved.

First, The Office. Well, The Office as it should be. I WILL still be following The Office this fall, without Michael Scott. But we all know it will never be the same. Laugh all you want at Little Miss Danica, but The Office means a lot to me. It defined me during formative years. It nails my humor in a singular way. There have been times when I've felt lost, discouraged, depressed, and the only prescription that seemed to work was the friendly Jim/Dwight rivalry, a handful of ignorant Michael Scott comments, a dash of wacky Creed, and general Office camaraderie.

The clock just would not stop ticking as the "Goodbye Michael" episode neared. I didn't even want to watch it. I felt like a part of me would die or be lost. The Office without Michael is like chips with no salsa. Coke with no Diet. Danica with no Beard. OBVIOUSLY I was gonna watch it. But I was scared. Especially to watch it with The Beard. I knew I'd be emotional. And I've never really been a crier. But it was inevitable. The Beard would have to see that side of me sooner or later.

Well, it was sooner. I fell to pieces. Absolutely fell apart. Ryan's white tee sleeve was streaked with mascara. I couldn't believe it was happening. The moment between Jim and Michael melted my heart completely. The years of frustration and anger dissolved in the cathartic goodbye that wasn't. They did a fantastic job. It was hard, but it was time. I said goodbye.

Then it was goodbye to the LAO. No need to dwell on that. It's all been said and done.

When a student is struggling with a concept, the recommendation is to increase the FIT.

Frequency

Intensity

Time

I practiced my crying by increasing all three of these during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. It didn't stop. My head was throbbing. The Beard watched with me and concealed his embarrassment. That's why I love him. It was really hard to say goodbye to Harry Potter. Again, something I've loved since I was probably 11. Harry Potter is amazing. J.K. Rowling saved books. Twilight is ridiculous (although I read them), Hunger Games are pretty awesome, and there are other respectable options for young adult and universally appealing fiction. But I think I'm right in saying nothing will touch Harry Potter. Ever, probs. I love to reread them. The movies got better and better. The geek humor of following Harry Potter religiously is incredibly endearing. Thank you, J.K. Rowling. Thank you Harry Potter.

Finally, I said goodbye to my last name. Danica Budge had such a nice ring to it. That's been my name. It's everywhere. Email, Twitter, all kinds of social media, all my online shopping accounts (which are numerous, I assure you). Social Security was a bit of a hassle. Changing my information with Nebo School District took a while. I still haven't even dealt with BYU. It's still a little weird when I habitually sign my name "Danica Budge." Have 200 kids call me "Mrs. Holdaway!" or "Mrs. HALDaway!" all day has helped with the tradition.

But you know what? I love being a Holdaway. I didn't shed a tear over that one. I've joined another family that I'm so proud to be a part of. I like to label myself as The Beard's by taking his name. It's an indication of our new little family. I'll always be a Budge. But now I'm a Holdaway. And it feels great.

This is What Marriage Looks Like:

At least for us.