Sometimes-Always-Never: Utah Motherhood Trends

So my Happiness Project last week took me through books, pinboards, documentaries and blog posts about all things motherhood: pregnancy, childbirth, infant care and even parenting philosophies. A lot of the material I found was awesome. I'm only mildly terrified now. But there was so much ridiculous stuff that was just... too.... Utah for me. And I'm FROM Utah. I love Utah. But we've got some problems, you guys. So I thought I'd offer some help. Here are my rules for motherhood.

Sometimes

Unique names. My name is DANICA. Sure, it's more mainstream now. But it wasn't 23 years ago. And I love my name. Wouldn't it be boring if the boys were all named Jason and the girls were all named Brittany? (name that movie) HOWEVER. This is a SOMETIMES.

via Pinterest & Buzzfeed

• Follow the rules of freaking phonics. They exist for a reason. Take an English class. 
• If you name all 8 of your kids crazy Utah names I solemnly promise to call them all by the wrong names. "Oh how's Timpanogos doing in day care?" "... Um... it's Tiyara." "No... I'm pretty sure it's Timpanogos."
• NO APOSTROPHES
•  Picking a common name - Kylie, for instance, and spelling it "Kieleiygh" does not make you unique. It makes you hated by teachers, food service industry workers, and anyone else who has to be corrected during the course of your little one's lifetime. 
• I could keep going, but this article hits it out of the park. Read it for an LOL.

That being said - if you have a unique name, especially a family name, that is phonetically non-idiotic and can belong to someone who is 40 and a CEO, good for you. Go for it. 

Post ultrasounds. The Beard is very vocal and opinionated about this. He thinks it's super gross to see the inside of someone's uterus. He thinks it's super inappropriate to post that on something so public like Instagram or Facebook. I don't really care that much. I don't like the super realistic, 3D looking ones that show like eyes and noses and stuff. Yikes. The grainy black-n-whites? Not so concerned. I can never see anything so I don't care. HOWEVER. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS DECENT AND PURE --- DO NOT CIRCLE, OUTLINE OR DRAW AN ARROW TO YOUR BABY'S TINY JUNK. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. Someone in my Insta feed actually did that a few months ago and I was horrified. We believe you. It's a boy. No need to outline his little weeny in bright red. No thank you. You realize that kid is gonna be like 16 one day and that photo is horrifying?

Always

Do what is right for you, and more importantly, your baby. I already had people telling me that I shouldn't drink Diet Coke when I get pregnant. My friend's family was pressuring her into a natural home birth. There is a plethora of information out there. But like I've said before - people have been doing this for hundreds of years and childbirth is a NATURAL thing. My friend, also named Danica incidentally, emailed me and basically said "All your baby really needs is food, diapers and sleep. It's not rocket science." We can do this, even without the internet and library. Make the informed decisions that feel best to you and keep them to yourself. No one should tell you what to do (except maybe medical professionals, probs) and that also means you shouldn't tell anyone else what to do. {Obviously don't smoke or drink or get in physical fights or crap like that. Goes without saying.}

Never

Posting pictures of your naked, stretch-marked belly for everyone to see is gross and weird. I'm so proud of you. It's amazing. It's a miracle. But for pete's sake just keep a shirt on.

Take this photo for example - a couple of things I really like about this

1. Weird orb of a belly. You can't look away. It's like a car wreck. I can't help but picture the baby bursting out Alien-style.
2. Sexual boob cleavage. Classy. Perfect for a maternity shoot.
3. A dainty flower indicating.. well I don't really know. Fertility? Natural childbirth? It's just something for her hands to do instead of constantly stroking the giant belly?
4. Whenever I see a pregnant belly button it makes me think of sausage and that's uncomfortable for everyone. 
5. The only thing we're missing here is the dad doing something really weird like laying his head on the belly or grabbing it weirdly from behind her. Maybe also naked. 

How do you take photos of your baby in such ridiculous situations? Just take NORMAL PHOTOS.

Headbands are so cute on babies. I love them. This is pretty above and beyond. Do we need flapper headbands and YARN WIGS? Too much. Amiright?

All I see here is the baby having an explosive blowout in this bowl of fruit loops and it makes me gag a little in my mouth.


 Can we all agree that these rules are reasonable and will improve society? If you agree please pass along to your pregnant and one-day-pregnant friends so we can take control of this terrifying trend cycle. I know we can make a difference.

Sometimes, Always, Never - Vegas the Mormon Way

I remember my first trip to Las Vegas - The lights! The color! The boobs! As a 6 year old I was particularly impressed with the enormous castle - Excalibur.

Even better I remember my single ladies trip to Las Vegas with my bestie Katie, who had never been.

"There is PORNOGRAPHY LINING THE STREETS!"


As a Mormon, Vegas can be a scary place with the boobs, butts and general grossness.  You can't go to clubs, you can't drink, you can't gamble, why even go? I'll tell you how and why YOU can do a Mormon Vegas Vacation.


The Beard and I decided to use an expiring voucher we had for 2 free nights at a Vegas hotel over Spring Break. We haven't been on a trip just the two of us since we've been married (over a year and a half! Thanks a lot Larry H Miller. We don't miss you), so we leaped at the chance.

My parents graciously agreed to watch Glen Coco, although after he marked EVERY territory in their house I doubt they'll have him back. And we were off! (Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks, obvs.)

This is how he likes to ride in the car - wedged between Ryan and the backrest

My Travel/Vacation uniform - black skinnies (Old Navy), gray v-neck (Gap), chambray top (F21), tortoise sunnies (Cotton On) and flipflops (Pac Sun)

Without further ado, here is my Sometimes-Always-Never for a Mormon trip to Las Vegas!

Sometimes

• Try out a piano bar! We went to Napoleon's in the Parisian and saw the dueling piano act. It's free, although they expect you to get drinks. A $3 can of Diet Coke was a bit ridiculous, but the dueling pianos were pretty awesome. They even take requests! Be prepared for a lot of Neil Diamond and people getting stupid drunk
• Walk through hotels/casinos. Even if you don't gamble or aren't staying there, those hotels are amazing! My favorites are the Parisian, New York New York, Caeser's Palace and now the Cosmopolitan! It's new and incredible.
• See a show, but make sure you read some reviews. I've always wanted to see a Cirque show, but I've heard a few of them can be a little racy. Many of the shows in Vegas are, so be selective. 
• Check out the LDS Temple! We didn't have time to drive out to it when we were there and I really wished we could have gone! Next time. :)

 Always

• Walk the Strip. There is no better people watching in the entire world. Pick a small section or marathon through the whole thing. Just walking with no real destination is hilarious, because you'll see yahoos like Bumblebee just chillin'. 

• While you're at it, see the free shows! The Bellagio Fountains, Atlantis inside Caeser's Palace and the pirate show outside Treasure Island.
• Also while you're at it, get some of the limitless candy at the Sugar Factory. That's all I should need to say. 

•  Plan for and try a fancy restaurant. The Beard saw Hash House a Go Go on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (one of our faves) and fell immediately in love with their enormous Chicken n' Waffles, Meatloaf sandwich and more. He's wanted to go ever since, so we planned it into our trip and budget. It made it way more fun than just grabbing a quick, cheap bite somewhere, because we looked forward to it and it was AMAZING. Really. 

• Wear something edgier than you can wear at home because - duh- its Vegas! I went with leather leggings and a skull tee since I can't ever wear those to school. Well, and maintain some degree of respect. :)

It was late. That's my only excuse for this washed out face. 

Did I do my hair at all this trip? It's a vacation. No. 

• Plan for everything to be overpriced. Vegas is where you go to splurge, not save. If you are budgeting, bring your own snacks and drinks for the hotel room.

Never

• Wear heels on the Strip, or when you have no idea what your night will be like. I even wore my trusty, comfy wedges, and I've worn flat boots before, and my dogs were barking before the night was up. 
• Take or look at the fliers and pamphlets being waved in your face. Trust me. Just pretend they don't exist.
• Get a smoking room. Vegas smoking rooms are worse than smoking rooms anywhere else. It's like secondhand-smoke nation up there.
• Stay on the Strip past 1 am. That's when the funny to crazy ratio on the Strip gets really scary.

Sometime, Always, Never - How to Not Be an Idiot in the Blogosphere

Ok so this Sometimes, Always, Never isn't about a fashion faux pas. Sorry. But this topic has been showing up on multiple blogs and it IS Friday. Therefore, Sometimes, Always, Never returns.

My friend Sierra posted about this.

Life of Bon posted about this. 

Even a dance/fitness tumblr I follow posted about shutting down her ask box because everything she was getting was rude or stupid, even though she makes workouts and inspirational posts FOR FREE.

I am lucky to never have had an issue with rude/stupid/retarded comments on my blog, and wouldn't mind if I did. A girl once complained about a post we wrote on BYU Style back in the day when Katie and I were writing for it, and we just LOLed and LOLed over it. No harm done.

Despite all logic and humanity, blogging has somehow become a controversial issue. Blows. My. Mind.

To me, blogging is such a small, insignificant part of my life. I really like to write and I love reading blogs, but if my blog went away (Natural Disaster, Apocalypse, Electronic/Internet failure) would my world end? NO. It's just a fun thing to add to my life.

Logic would conclude that Blogging is this:

1. Someone has a site where they post their thoughts, ideas, outfits, recipes, opinions, intelligence and stupidity.
2. You DO NOT have to read it, they owe NOTHING to you, and it's not real life anyways. 
3. Reason would dictate that there is no possible reason to leave nasty comments, belittle others, complain about a blog or  even read it in the first place. Yet here we are. 

Without further ado.... How to Not be an Idiot in the Blogosphere.

SOMETIMES

Blog. Yes, you read that right. I firmly believe you should only blog SOMETIMES. Do not blog every day unless you are being paid to, or unless you want to lose touch with reality. Seriously. No one has a life so interesting that it requires everyday documentation.

Comment on blogs. If I tried to comment on every blog I read, even just once a week, it would be a colossal waste of my time. I only comment on posts that really touch me or relate to me. Just like you wouldn't try to talk to every single person at a big party, you shouldn't try to be part of every single blog on the interwebs. Come on.

ALWAYS

Follow what you love and unfollow what you don't. Don't be afraid to unfollow a blog or delete a subscription. Don't feel bad. This is your life. Don't waste it reading things that make you mad or sad or don't really contribute to your life.

Contribute positively. We all love a good b**** fit post. But the majority of your internet contribution should be positive, that includes comments and content you follow.  

NEVER

"I'm such a bad blogger!" Is blogging a sport? Is blogging a competition? No. Blog when and how and what you want to. If you're doing what you love you are a "good" blogger.

I take it back. If you don't know how to use the English language appropriately you are a "bad" blogger.

For the love of everything internet, do NOT make your blog your personal journal. No one cares. Sorry. But we don't want to know how many times you had to change your little one today or how you slept last night.

General Authorities have commanded us to keep journals. I get that. But if your journal is your blog you are missing the entire point - keeping things sacred.

***If you are leaving a mean comment, complaining about a blog, or getting angry about a post:***

You are the idiot we are referring to.

You do realize that it is THEIR blog, correct? And they they write it for THEM? Not you and your selfish little life.

So stop typing. Close that comment thread. Unfollow that blog. Log off your computer. 

No one will miss you. Trust me. 

If this is offensive, feel free to unfollow me. I recognize this was a mean ranting post. You have every right to choose what to follow and I have every right to write anything I choose. I'll take my own advice and get over it. Promise.

Because my value and self-worth are not determined by your comments or the number of followers in my right sidebar. 

Sometimes, Always, Never - Transitional Clothing

What?! A "Sometimes, Always, Never"!!!!!! I've been patiently waiting, hoping and praying that Danica will post another entry in the mean, elitist, judgy series!

You wish is my command.

This week I have been turning over my closet from warm to cold. Shorts have been folded neatly. Open toe wedges are walking their way to the back room. Florals are awaiting decision. It's been on my mind for over a week, and it's still not done.

So without further ado, our Sometimes, Always, Never:

SOMETIMES

Florals need to be handled on a case-by-case basis. Ask yourself a few questions

1. Are the colors dark or moody overall? (Think black, blue, dark reds or greens, grays and other neutrals. See right) If they are, that's easy to wear all winter. Pair with dark tights, sweaters and boots. Yahtzee. 
2. Is the fabric thin or heavy? If it's a thin, lightweight fabric, be careful. If you can tell it's supposed to be worn on it's own on a warm summer picnic day - stash it. If it's a blouse or thicker fabric, again, pair with a sweater, scarf or tights. 
3. What is the style of the garment? If it's both floral and a tank top, sorry. It's screaming SUMMERTIME. Stash. **For example** I have a black floral maxi. It's dark, but since it's both floral and a maxi (designed for beachy summertime) I stash it until spring. Other maxis are great for winter... but they are dark solids paired with sweaters and scarves. Kapish? (see below)

 Everyone knows the whites-after-labor-day rule has been thrown out. Still, be wary. A white-on-white ensemble makes you look a LITTLE bit like the Queen of Narnia. Pair multiple whites with neutrals. I'm loving this white/camel from A Piece of Toast this week. Super fresh, right? But take it easy with the circus tent cardigans... ok?

ALWAYS

Skirts and dresses don't have to move to the storage closet just because they are short. Pair them with a richly colored legging or tight - try oxblood, gray or mustard for some punch. 

Bright colors seem destined for sunny days and outdoor events, but don't rule them out. I posted this picture for Anti-Bully Day (we all wore orange) with my bright shift, cardi and loafers, but it's one of my fave outfits for winter paired with black tights and flat black boots. (See the photo below mine for a less sleepy, more glamorous outfit.) Pare down the bright colors with neutrals. It makes those snowy days less depressing. 

NEVER

Linen is a lightweight, breathable fabric meant for heat. We're all looking at your wind-vulnerable linen pants and laughing. 

How about we just stash ALL of those booty shorts until April? That way there's absolutely NO CHANCE you'll end up pairing them with Ugg boots even by mistake. 

In Utah, you simply cannot walk around with bare legs in winter. Tights are necessary. Seeing your tight-seam and your un-pedicured toes because you are wearing open-toed shoes is 100% ATROCIOUS. 

Mid-calf boots make everyone look disgusting. Just because a 90 lb model wears one does NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT mean it's going to look good on you. Sorry. It hits at the widest part of your calf. It's just common sense, ladies. 

Go for ankle, just below or just above the knee. Please. 

So there you have it! Good luck turning over your closets and may the fashion force be with you. 

Sometimes, Always, Never - Neon

Nothing brings out a summer tan like neon.  You can't go into stores today without walking right into a display of new neon goods. Here's my advice for the neon trends:

SOMETIMES

Start out small with accessories like a belt, necklace, and nails. But check the mirror to make sure it's a *pop* and not a *CLASH* of color.

Wear the neon BIG. Like a shirt or pants. After trying neon nails (which I love) I branched out. I got two neon v-necks from Victoria's Secret 2 for $28, which is awesome by the way, and I've been mixing it into my routine.

ALWAYS

Pare down your neon with neutrals - black is great for night but can look too severe for day, tan is very runway-chic this season, and white is the celebrated combo. I chose gray with neon pink for a casual afternoon with my family - Happy Sumo and The Dark Knight Rises. The Beard is getting sick of taking iPhone outfit photos, but he's nice and does it anyways. :)

Tone down your makeup. Define your eyes with liner and mascara and swap your blush for bronzer. Nude lipstick or a sheer gloss, take it easy on the color. Your neon is supposed to steal the show.

NEVER

Avoid your problem areas with neon. If you are worried about your BBQ belly, don't wear a tight neon tee. Yuck.

If you are wearing neon to work or church, be forewarned that everyone is looking at you and shaking their heads in disappointment.

If you are very fair, take it easy with the neon. You'll look like a Tim Burton character. See-through, green-tinged and creepy. 

Sometimes, Always, Never: Trendy

I'm kind of a late adopter of trends. I firmly believe that waiting through the first wave of a trend makes your fashion decisions much more informed. Instead of running right out and buying the hot new thing at the doorway display at Forever 21, I watch. I see how bloggers, college peers and celebrities wear it.

So here's my inspiration. This last weekend I was in Cedar City at the Shakespearean Festival with my Budge girl family. It's our little girl reunion that we try to do every couple of years. It was awesome. Anyways. My mom and I had some time to kill before the next show so we went shopping. A Downeast Outfitters was having a sidewalk sale with discount bins, so we rifled through them. I have never found anything good in a bin because it's usually ugly stuff or XL-XXL sizes. But then I pulled out something, and lo and behold. Angels sang. 

It was soft.

It was blush pink.

It wasn't XXL. (It is a size too big for me, as you might be able to tell... whatev.)

It was a knee length pencil skirt.

IT WAS PEPLUM.

And it was $10.

What do you guys think?

I've been intrigued by the peplum trend. I think it's so fun and classy.  I've seen bloggers and celebrities wearing it (thankfully no Utahns have ruined it for me. YET.) And I secretly just want to be Emma Stone. I just didn't know how I could do it. I like dressing up. I like looking formal, even if I'm the only one. But peplum? It's too much, right? WRONG.

And now, without further ado, our Sometimes, Always, Never for trying new trends.

SOMETIMES

Try something that seems scary. If it keeps catching your eye, do it. Buy it. Try it. But don't just get something BECAUSE it's trendy. It needs to be something you like.

ALWAYS

Do some research. See how people are wearing it. Type the style into Pinterest and pin some ideas. I love doing that. 

Plan at least one outfit in your head before you buy it. You will regret it if you take it home and can't even make one outfit. 

NEVER

I never buy a trendy item from a big designer or for full price. What if I don't like it? What if it is totally "out" by next season? When oxford shoes were big this last fall, I bought a knockoff pair from Payless for probably $15. It was good purchase, because they look similar to the $70+ Steve Madden pair at Nordstrom (RIP), but guess what? I wore them maybe once a month. That's worth $15 for me. Not $70.  And if you do love the trend? Upgrade.

ONE AT A TIME. Never ever ever combine super trends. Do not wear leggings, gladiators, a statement necklace and chambray all at once. Choose one. This girl looks ok for fashion week, but for the rest of us,  bright peplum + statement tee + shades + beach hair + chandelier earrings + thick ankle strap heels is overdoing it. 

Sometimes, Always, Never - Summer Shoe-la-la

The majority of your summer should be spent barefoot... but if you can't be barefoot...

Sometimes

Flats seem stuffy to me. If you must, wear them in a bright color.

Sneakers or Toms are great for the summer hikes, or when you are traipsing through fields to find the perfect stargazing spot.

Always

Gladiators are clearly the superior option for summer. Classier than your basic flip-flop but still light and easy.

Anything open-toed. Paint your toes something bright and let them shine.

Never

I have said this before and I'm going to say it again and I refuse to apologize.

IF IT IS TOO HOT TO WEAR PANTS IT IS TOO HOT TO WEAR BOOTS.

Why? Why do you do this? How sweaty are your feet? Were you anticipating a stampede that would require your expert cowgirl knowledge? 

Oh you're just a slut? Ok. Great. Don't snag your nasty belly button ring on your torn apart Daisy Dukes.

Sometimes, Always, Never - Summer Face

I'm a firm believer in changing your makeup with the seasons. My skin tans very easily, and I'm also super anemic. That means I can look Latin in the summertime and Helena Bonham-Carter in the wintertime. I have 3 foundations that I rotate through and varying shades of eyeshadows for the seasons. Summertime is my biggest adjustment to my daily routine, and it's a lovely adjustment because it means LESS.

SOMETIMES

Makeup trends like bold lipstick or a smoky eye are awesome. But be careful, and adjust. It's far too sticky to rock this during the day, so stick to fun concerts and night events for your statement makeup.

Instead of a gray or black smoky eye, try green or blue. Think mermaid.

Instead of a bright red or wine lip, try a hot pink, or my personal favorite - a sunny coral.

ALWAYS

Sunscreen. Your mom was right. It's good for you. I still don't wear it on my body like I should, but I've been establishing a good habit of layering a sunscreen with moisturizer under my makeup, or using Mary Kay's tinted moisturizer with sunscreen on its own. Try Aveeno Daily Moisturizer, especially if you've got dry skin like me. It's easy to make your own tinted moisturizer by mixing it with your favorite foundation on the back of your hand and then brushing it on. You'll feel like a bona fide makeup artist.

Creme Blush. This will play up your tan just right, without caking like a powder. I like Maybelline Dream Mousse blush in Rose Petal.

Lip Balm. Duh. Get yourself a nice stick of Burt's Bees.

Exfoliate. St. Ives Apricot Scrub is a miracle product. It removes dead, dry skin and just makes you glow.

NEVER

Liquid eyeliner needs to hibernate until sweating and swimming aren't daily possibilities.

Thick foundation or powders. Switch to a light tinted moisturizer that won't cake or look weirdly matte. Your skin will thank you.

Any foundation, powder or cream that does not match your current skin tone. I think this is Paris Hilton. It's hard to be sure with all the bronzer and the fact that it isn't 2004.

Sometimes, Always, Never - The Cover-up

Anyone sick of me blogging about summer yet? Good. Me either. I'm so trunky it's unbelievable.

Next weekend, pretty much as soon as school is out, I'm heading with my family down to St. George for Memorial Day weekend (sans husband. Not the best case scenario.) and I'm in the market for poolside supplies.

SOMETIMES

Jewelry. I like a little glam. But do you really need a necklace, earrings AND bangles? You're not Kim Kardashian. Let's take a step back and look at our life choices.

ALWAYS

100% obsessed with chic cover-ups. You really can't go wrong.

Sunglasses. Didn't see that one coming? Lately craving these Bamboo sunnies.

NEVER

If you go straight swimsuit, you're basically declaring your slut-dom to the world.

High heeled sandals. See above.

The bottom line is just be classy.