Don't worry. I'm not turning this into a wedding blog, a place to vent or a glorified to do list. You guys know me better than that. So you can keep reading.
It is a prevalent stereotype (and I feel like an accurate one) that weddings induce crazy stress and infect young girls with the Bridezilla virus. As it courses through her veins, her blood pressure rises. Her resting heart rate jumps. Her pupils dilate. The ringing in her ears can not be identified or halted. Paranoia ensues. And that's it--she's at the mercy of Bridezillitis, to be released no sooner than the day of the wedding.
I've been anxiously anticipating my imminent infection and subsequent mutation. [Unfortunately not cool like X-Men.] I knew that if anyone was prepared with skills of planning, comparing, coordinating, organizing, making rational decisions and creating lists like a BOSS, it was me. But that wouldn't save me. That's not the inoculation. Sooner or later it would hit me.
But it hasn't. It should have. Especially with a 2-month engagement and an empty classroom with my name on it waiting for me immediately afterwards. Especially since I'm the least creative, crafty, design-y person you know or will ever know. Especially since I'm only about half way through planning. Why hasn't it hit me? Why haven't I freaked out? Why am I still a "gush geyser" (as Ryan so lovingly calls me)?
At dinner with our friends last night, they asked how the wedding planning was going. I updated them on our plans and remarked how fun it had been. Everything had been falling into place and I hadn't been stressed at all. I was just excited and happy. Then Becca said something that made so much sense.
"There are two types of brides. And only two. There are girls who are excited for and preparing for the wedding, and then there are girls who are excited for and preparing for the marriage."
I would say the second is true for me. I'm definitely excited for the wedding and our party is gonna be BOMB. Seriously. You're all invited, obvs. Don't miss it. But we're getting married for the right reasons and the wedding is just means to an end. That's why everything is just a fun addition. THAT'S THE INOCULATION!!!!!
But really. I meant it when I said this wasn't a wedding blog. This was real inspiration stuff. What Becca said reminded me of a catchphrase used by Brother Goodman, my freshman year Mission Prep teacher.
"Why am I doing?"
Grammatically incorrect (sorry Cristina). Yet poignant. He said that we should always ask ourselves "Why am I doing ___?" That's always stuck with me. Our underlying motivation matters, and the thought really does count. Awareness of our motivation protects us from bad decisions, prevents us from wasting our time, and ensures our maximum satisfaction.
I may have this figured out in the wedding prep sphere. But the challenge will be to continue to focus on what matters. In other spheres of my life, I definitely don't have this principle figured out. Why am I at work? Because I have to be. Because I need to get paid. But it should be because I want to help the Library Administration Office. Because I take pride in my work. Because I want to develop good work habits and skills.
Why am I hanging out with my family? Why am I going to church? Why am I drinking so much Diet Coke?
Why are YOU doing?